when life messes spill into neat writing plans

well, this week was a complete mess.  i had a nice, neat plan to take thursday and friday off and spend quite a lot of hours working on finishing up my first draft of my dissertation proposal.  and then, our water heater exploded and i was off most of the week (tuesday through friday), but spent most of the days either working from home or dealing with contractors and insurance reps and basically 100% not being able to work on my proposal.  of course, i had a good chunk written already, as well as lots of notes, but it's still all very haphazard and in need of a lot of rewriting and polishing up.

in any case, i spent a good deal of yesterday afternoon and evening working on my proposal.  i had planned on it being about 25-30 pages, but it's already quite a bit longer and i don't even have my lit review section written yet!  i hope i'll be able to shorten it all down.  my thinking was that the research design section should really be the longest and most thorough, whereas the other sections will be expanded in the dissertation.  if my research design were 8-10 pages, this would leave about 5 (or less) pages each for the theoretical framework and intro/conclusions and about 10 (or less) pages for the lit review.  however, each section is currently just a few pages longer than these planned guidelines.  part of this could be that a good chunk of my already-written introduction contains a lot of material that could potentially fill a lit review.  anyway, i hope i can figure it out.  once i have everything written, i'll be able to edit out things that are redundant and move things that feel misplaced, i guess.

well, that's my news for now.  my original plan was to have a complete first draft done by april 1.  it looks like i might have to push that back, at least by a few days.  more to come soon!

letting things settle

this week was both awesome and messy.  coming down off the crohn's diagnosis and feeling under the weather, i found myself completely unable to do homework over the weekend, so i mostly just kept it low key, hung out with my husband, and read for pleasure.  it was a good weekend to do it -- since i had my group presentation on monday, i had read the readings in advance.  this was also the first year that i completely missed the ethnography forum.  i was pretty sad about it, but in hindsight, i'm really glad i didn't go.  i was simply not in the place to be around anyone, so i'm glad i listened to my body.

our presentation on monday went really well, and our professor and TA wrote to us afterwards with lots of positive feedback and enthusiasm about what we did.  this meant so much to me, especially coming from people i respect deeply.  plus, when you know you've worked hard and it is acknowledged, the rewards are that much greater.

on my dissertation proposal-writing timeline, i had planned to have a good chunk of my research design done this week.  however, it didn't happen, partly because i was wrapped up in processing my diagnosis and partly because i couldn't devote the mental energy to research design planning.  on wednesday, i was supposed to have a 2-pager written for my chair for our meeting, but i emailed her saying that i just hadn't been able to write it.  she suggested that if i found i still didn't have anything written by wednesday morning, we could just talk things out.  this felt strange to me because i'm used to having these polished pieces done, but our talk ended up being just the thing i needed.  first of all, it helped me to break out of the pattern of having a finished thing to present, and to just sit publicly with my questions and not-fully-formed ideas.  second, we had a really good conversation and it really helped me to get a better handle on my plans for my research design.  talking things out with my chair gave me an opportunity to ask questions and sort through my own thinking and confusion. it was great.

next week is spring break.  of course, i will still be at work everyday, but i'm planning on spending the rest of this week and the weekend reading for pleasure.  i won a book called "the gravity of birds" in a goodreads.com giveaway and i want to be prompt in reading and reviewing it.  i hope to be done by saturday night so that i can get back into my dissertation proposal-ing and other homework by sunday.

overwhelmed, but still enthusiastic

this week was short -- we had monday off for mlk day, meaning my qual methods course didn't meet.  it also gave me an extra day to spend with my husband.  we went to new jersey with another friend of ours and spent a good part of the afternoon with my tattoo artist.  i got three really pretty tattoos on my legs (which i can hopefully post pictures of when it's warmer and when they've healed) and my friend got her first tattoo ever, which is on her forearm.  it was a really fun process and i'm in love with my new ink.

on tuesday, i had my doctoral seminar.  it was great to chat about the readings and about our proposed work, but we were also told that we may not be sharing our proposal drafts in class over the semester, but rather should be working on them independently.  this has me a little apprehensive, but i might ask either (a) if we can change this plan or (b) if a few folks in the class want to share our work independently.

on wednesday, i met with my advisor amy to officially ask her if she'd be my dissertation chair and she said yes!  she also gave me a bunch of homework to do in preparation for our next two meetings.  i'm really happy she's my chair -- she is not just super adept and knowledgeable about qual research, and literacy and learning, but she's also really adept at goal-making and timeline-obeying and i really need all of this.  i'm genuinely thrilled that she has agreed to be my chair.  i'm sure i'll write more about her and this process over the coming years, but in the meantime, she is helping me to feel positive and enthusiastic and challenged.

amy also suggested i email a couple of cohort mates about reading their proposals, which i did today.  one has already sent hers to me, and i hope to read it over the weekend.  speaking of reading, that's another thing i've been feeling overwhelmed by.  i've likely mentioned this a billion times over the past few years, but i'm kind of a slow reader.  especially on weeknights, when i've had a long day at work, i find myself struggling through material, even stuff i'm really interested in.  so, the gigantic batch of reading i've been assigned has been tough to maneuver through, but i'm doing my best.

romance novels: the pickled ginger of reading

i sometimes find myself so overwhelmed with everything i've been reading for school that my mind can barely process thoughts anymore.  if i find myself unable to go on, to get work done, i know i need to take a break and when that time comes, i hop onto amazon and buy a cheap romance novel for my kindle.  by cheap, i'm talking $1 or $2, rarely anything more.

contrary to what you might imagine romance novels to look like, given the danielle steele era of my (and maybe some of your) youth, this genre has really grown.  anne browning walker wrote a short piece about this in huffpo this past summer: why smart women read romance novels, and while i didn't mind or disagree with the sentiment, it isn't exactly the reason i read romance novels.  i read them because they're light (although they can definitely be emotional... admittedly, i've cried in the midst of reading one or two); they're short and easy to speed through; they often involve other elements of good novels like action, adventure, good writing, a well-told story; and they are a good palate-cleanser.

sometimes, i end up reading a few of these short novels in a weekend.  not all of them would qualify as "romance" though.  some are just memoirs with a few hints of romance; others, like tracey garvis graves' "on the island" are straight-up ultra-realistic adventure novels with thoughtful romantic elements thrown in.  anyway, my whole point is if i'm feeling a little trapped and unmotivated to read or do work, i find that reading a few books that are easy to breeze through and compelling story-wise helps set me on track.

challenges in one-eyed reading and dominant ideologies of health and healthcare

so, i've continued to deal with my eye illness (though i'm definitely on the mend!) and it's made doing the normal everyday school (and work) things a little challenging.  i basically can't see out of my left eye right now and that leaves my right eye to do all of the heavy lifting at work, at home, and in school.  doing physical tasks (like cooking or painting my nails, for example) with just one eye can be challenging because i don't have as much depth perception, so my "aim" isn't very good.  and reading and writing with just one eye is challenging mostly because it just puts a lot of extra strain on the eye and the eye ends up having to work extra hard.  in any case, it just means that i'm reading slower and having to take lots of breaks.  more than that though, i'm learning to be patient with my body and to not get frustrated at my new pace.  and to be forgiving if i don't get all my reading done.

interestingly, reading bloomaert's "discourse" for my discourse analysis class has helped me to think deeply about various issues surrounding my eye illness.  i was particularly moved by the chapter on ideology.  i couldn't help but think about the various ways in which i interact with dominant ideologies in my own life, especially in relation to health and wellness and the healthcare system.  here are some connections to healthcare i made while reading bloomaert's chapter on ideology (he makes lots of references to gramsci, by the way, who i was completely enamored with when i was 18 or 19... just a random fact):

• "... when it comes to explaining how ideologies become ingredients of structures of power and control, van dijk's solution is straightforward: people control themselves by means of the ideologies they have in their heads, and they do so as a group because the ideologies are group ideologies" (162).  i've been thinking about this a lot in the context of medicine and food.  one thing i've found in my interactions with my doctors, with family members and friends, and with people in general (including co-workers) is that people just don't seem to see much connection between the food they eat and their health.  now that i'm dealing with this major inflammation in my eye (and potentially elsewhere in my body), i've changed my diet and begun eating tons of anti-inflammatory foods.  i've also given up alcohol, gluten, certain meats, dairy, and certain inflammatory produce (including tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, and potatoes).  yes -- it's a major transition, but i've seen major improvements in my health since making these changes.  this dominant ideology of medicine as not linked to food controls people's decisionmaking about their own health.  for example, people who are sick don't necessarily feel the need to change their diets to get healthy.  and even though i told my doctors that changing my diet has helped me heal faster, they don't really have an interest in researching anti-inflammatory foods, suggesting these things to other patients, or even acknowledging how important it is!  the ideology is so ingrained that people can't see past it or through it or whatever.  even though my co-workers and family members know that these changes are helping me, they still say things like, "well, one sandwich won't kill you!"  and i have to reiterate, "you're right -- it won't kill me, but it might make my eye take longer to heal and frankly, i'm ready to have my vision back!"  i think those two things seem so separate to people that they can't really fathom such a direct connection.
• "no idea is in itself 'ideological;' it may become ideological as soon as it is picked up by power-regulating institutions such as the media and inserted into the ideological reproduction system they organize.  thus, the media seem to have the power to construct deep ideological messages out of trivial, sociologically insignificant events or phenomena" (163).  i guess for me, the institutions i kept thinking about when reading this are the food and health care industries.  another way i'm thinking about this is specifically in the context of insurance.  the ways that we often think about ourselves as healthy (and ailing) people are within the confines of our health care plans.  if you don't have health care, your options becoming exceedingly limited.  and at the same time, if you have an HMO plan like me, everything is parsed out by your PCP's office -- they are the deciding authority on whether you can go to certain specialists and if you decide you want to go to an alt med professional like a chiropractor or acupuncturist, you actually have to convince your doctor that this is, in fact, your body and that it doesn't matter what their belief system about these things are because you are both working in a system that unfairly gives them a certain power over your health decisions.  i often find myself thinking about my own health within the boundaries of what is allowed by my health care plan; i think of specialist visits in terms of co-pay and so on.  and then we're surrounded by all these public discourses that reinforce those ways of thinking and being.
• "at the end of the day, hegemony may be what it is because there is a real price to be paid for being anti-hegemonic.  the price may be that one is not understood, not heard, not recognised as a subject, but it may also be that one is ostracised, exiled, killed or jailed, made unemployable, or declared insane.  as foucault has shown, the boundaries of hegemony are well guarded by coercive institutions" (167).  at a lesser level, i find that regardless of what i do with my body (for example, my change in diet to heal inflammation), the health system is still primarily concerned with its own set of standards.  when i come into my doctor's appointments, i can mention how much the anti-inflammatory diet is healing me, but my doctor's interest is specifically in whether i'm following my medicine plan, whether i'm taking my pills and drops at the recommended doses, and so on.  so i'm allowed to be counter-hegemonic on my own time (for example, i'm sharing my knowledge with others who are dealing with inflammation and with friends, family, and coworkers online), but those practices are still seen as completely separate from who i am in the medical system and it's expected that i don't voice those particular practices in my doctor's visits because they're seen as irrelevant to the issue at hand.  in that system, i am represented by a series of charts and blood test results and logs of each visit and all those things, but it's unlikely that they will ever include any notes on the things i'm doing on my own to heal my body.

well, those are some of the ways that bloomaert's chapter really spoke to my life this week. of course, as i mentioned earlier, the book is really, really interesting and even though it is kind of a primer on various approaches to thinking about discourse, it also is a great primer for larger concepts relating to power and identity.  and it's super accessible, too.

a creative writing group

i'm not sure if i've mentioned in earlier posts, but for most of my life, i've known that i'd write fiction one day.  interestingly enough, i started working on fiction writing again this past spring and ended up coming up with a couple of interesting novel ideas, two on my own and one with a friend/coworker.  this summer, my coworker and i (along with a third coworker) have begun a writing group.  we had our first meeting last week and plan to meet once a week to write together.

the coworker with whom i'm collaborating on a book and i have been using mindomo (mindomo.com) to map out our novel.  we've gotten a lot of initial prewriting and planning done, but we're still working on fleshing out character backstories and a general plot structure.  overall, we're both feeling pretty good about it.  we're hoping to have a first draft written by the end of the summer.  i'm excited about it.

i'll write more later as we continue to work on our book.  for now, it's a good project for many reasons.  first, i think we're both excited about the content, but it's also a great way to practice collaborative writing.  well, more later.

summertime!

clearly, something's been awry because i haven't published a post since march (whoops!). as i likely mentioned in my march post, i won't be in courses again until september. i passed my comps in march (yay), so i've got four courses left, but being near the end of my program, i'm working with fewer and fewer options and there's basically nothing for me to take this summer. that said, i've been keeping busy with lots and lots of summer reading.

among my summer reading is the "song of ice and fire" series, written by george martin. this is the same series that has been turned into the tv show "game of thrones." right now, it looks like each book makes up one season of the show. i'm currently on the second book, "a clash of kings." it's really well-written with interesting and deep characters.

i've also been reading lots of lighter books, including graphic novels, romance novels, fiction in which the main characters are south asian, raw food cookbooks, fashion mags, and the like. i'm trying to do a better job of keeping up with friends' blogs too. that's been a challenge, but i'm hoping the google reader app will help somewhat.

i was pretty disappointed that many of gse's ethnography courses are only offered once a year or once every other year, so i thought about maybe doing my own study by assigning chapters of various books i already own to myself each week, but to be honest, i really can't stop reading the martin series and i just can't be made to read much else (should i really be admitting that? i'm not sure).

in any case, that's a quick update for now, but you should know that i've also downloaded the evernote app to encourage myself to update this blog (and write in general) more regularly. so, i've put together a list of ideas for possible future entries, including some of the following:

-- contractor union issues in my neighborhood
-- the departure/retirement of important long-time faculty members and hiring of a few new faculty
-- my personal views on the practice of generosity and giving and how adopting a practice of giving will improve your life
-- how i put my fels courses to use this spring and helped a friend's non-profit raise $11,000
-- a reflection on the staff-only writing workshop series i hosted at my work this year and what it taught me

those are just some of my ideas. i hope you'll stay tuned as i try to flesh them out this summer.

happy, healthy grad student

a couple weeks ago, my husband and i were sitting together at home and talking about how much work i had to do that night. he told me that i inspired him because every night after work, i came home and went straight to the couch with my books and studied. he said he was proud of me for doing things the way i have been and for being in school and working on my doctorate and also, for valuing me and us and our future. i've never imagined myself as the kind of person who comes home from work every night and studies, but it makes sense that i am. in fact, i'm modeling behavior that i've witnessed my whole life, first from my own parents who worked their butts off to bring my brothers and me to this country (when my dad had to redo his residency after moving to the states, we would often see him studying at his desk late into the night, a little metal lamp lighting up the pages of his book) and later from my husband who put himself through college and is among the hardest workers and most thoughtful people i know.

the truth is, i don't think i've ever had as "productive" a year as i have this year. i put productive in quotes because i don't even just mean it in an academic way. true, it's been a year full of accomplishments--at work, in my program, in my personal life--, but the most significant accomplishment has been my personal and emotional growth.

i was telling my husband that i was confused/surprised/bewildered by my ability to take 6 courses this year while working, and also that i was curious as to why i hadn't been able to do this in the past. of course, a big part of it was money. i have a student loan now and it's enabled me to take four more courses this year than i was able to afford in previous years (by the way, if you want to talk to someone about loans and paying for school, you can visit karima, gse's associate director of financial aid).

but the thing that has most enabled me to "do more" in these other areas of my life is that i've devoted a lot of 2011 to my own mental health and well-being. i don't typically talk about this kind of thing on my blog, but i think it is an important, even fundamental, part of getting through a grad program. grad school is stressful and exhausting, and if you don't take time for yourself, whether it be through exercise or seeing a therapist or reserving a few nights to be homework-free or ALL of these things, you might not come out of it the person you hoped you'd be.

all this is to say that working on my mental health and on my relationships (and making tough choices about creating distance in unhealthy relationships) has enabled me to do all that i have done this year. i really do feel stronger, smarter, more thoughtful, kinder, and more sensitive to the world than i ever have before. and more than that, i feel happy.

back in session

so, school is back in session. although my classes don't begin until next week, i had the privilege yesterday of overhearing the voices of many, many new students who came through our building for orientation. i always forget how exciting and new fall feels, not just because of the start of the new school year but also because it's a season of rebirth.

this semester, i'll be taking two courses and working on my master's portfolio. on september 1, i handed in a draft of one of the main master's portfolio papers, which is called the "conceptual territories" paper and which i wrote a bit about in an earlier post. on october 1, i'll be handing in a draft of the other main paper, which is called the "selected questions" paper. i'll be writing an i-search paper, which i've never done before. my question is about the intersections of learning, work, and identity. i had planned to start writing a draft of my paper this week, but so far i've just done a bunch of reading (which has been fun). one of the books i'm reading is mike rose's lives on the boundary. it's really well written and easy to dive into.

[as an aside, i've also been re-re-reading salman rushdie's haroun & the sea of stories with my husband. we read about a chapter a night before bed. it's such a good story. if you haven't read it, you should. here's a great line from the chunk we read last night: he knew what he knew: the real world was full of magic, so magical worlds could easily be real.]

in any case, as i said, i'm also taking two courses this semester. the first is dr. campano's "forming and reforming the reading/writing/literacy elementary curriculum," which is one of the required courses for the master's degree. i'm interested in the course, but also a little nervous that it'll be quite a bit out of my focus of study. i'm curious as to whether it's appropriate for me, but i guess i'll have to wait and see. i haven't seen the syllabus yet. the second course i'm taking is a fels course called "leading nonprofits," taught by tine hansen-turton and nicholas torres. they just sent the syllabus today and it looks pretty interesting. over the course of the course (heh), students work in groups and build a mock non-profit together. i really hope that my group is a good group of stable, professional, reliable folks. my group in my fels class last spring was so, so good and i'd love to have a similar dynamic.

anyway, that's kind of what i'm looking forward to this fall. and you, if you're interested, can look forward to more frequent posts from me. in keeping with the semester schedule, i'll be trying to post once a week. yay.

reading for fun

i finished the semester in a whirlwind and have spent the past three weeks recuperating and developing a habit of relaxation. sometimes, i feel like i'm so used to running around stressed out all the time that not being stressed out is stressful! it makes no sense.

in any case, i've spent the past three weeks reading a lot of good books. i read heat and dust, recommended by my friend susannah; nectar in a sieve, recommended by my husband's cousin; and outliers, which i borrowed from my dad. my friend beebs also recommended that i check out dailylit, which is my new favorite readerly website. you can subscribe to lots of classic lit on there for free and the site sends you an installment of the book you've chosen each day. i read tolstoy's "ivan the fool" via dailylit last week and this week, i'm reading tolstoy's "the kreutzer sonata."

all in all, it's been a pretty good three weeks. school starts back up for me on monday. i guess i'll write more about that later.

raw and living

i may have mentioned in an earlier post that my husband and i are eating 70% raw these days. i actually have so much to say about it, so much so that i don't know where to start. eating raw has a ton of health benefits and for us, eating 70% raw involves eating a raw breakfast and lunch and a cooked dinner. technically, to make it 70%, we need to eat one raw dinner per week. eating raw gives me a lot more energy and i have an easier time concentrating both at work and with homework.

although my weekday meals are pretty simple, i.e. a raw juice for breakfast and a salad and snacks for lunch, i do at times try to make some fancier dishes. this weekend, two of my best girlfriends came over for lunch and i made a raw stuffed pasta dish. they also helped me to prepare a raw coconut pie (with a raw nutella layer) that was delicious. here are some pictures:


raw vegan stuffed pasta (click here for recipe)


raw vegan coconut pie (click here for recipe)

i feel like eating raw is changing my life in huge ways. i hope to talk more about raw and living foods over the course of the semester, but if you have questions, let's chat in the comments section.

doing what you love?

one of the books i had to read for my managing talent class this past week is the adventures of johnny bunko: the last career guide you'll ever need. it's a comic book, a super quick read, and also kind of entertaining. here's a trailer for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtRNiMZsTro. the book outlined five or six basic "lessons" for careers/futures, but the ones that really stuck out to me had to do with "there is no plan" and "however you plan it, it doesn't work out that way." in other words, planning your career long term really doesn't lead to much. the implication is that in the long run, you really need to do what you love and to work all of that out, you'd better not waste your time doing shit you hate.

i'm curious about how this applies to me. the truth is that i love what i'm studying, but i really very often feel disconnected from it, being that i spend at least 40 hours a week doing something else. it's not that i don't love/enjoy my job, but anyone can tell you -- it's not really how i'd like to be spending my time (though, of course, the paycheck, health benefits, and most important, tuition benefits don't hurt!!). even though i like school, i get so bogged down by the 9-to-5 office experience that when i come home, i find myself drawn to things that have to do with standing up and using my hands/brain in a very different way. this semester in particular, i've been really into making things, especially clothing and food. i have so much fun making stuff and eating/wearing/using it. is that what i really love? is it possible that i love making stuff more than i love school and rwl? i'm not sure what to do with this or how to really dissect it and i know that i've probably talked about this before, but i still don't have an answer. can anyone help me out with this?

i just can't figure out what it means or what it says about what i should do with my life! i mean, i'm in this program and there really is no turning back at this point, but if you were to ask me, "if you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?" i'd say, "write books, make clothes, and be a raw chef." how in the world does this lead to that? is it possible that once i'm in academic or the non-profit sector, i'll have more time to write books, make clothes, and be a raw culinary master (mistress?)? i just don't know.

best practices

lately, no matter what i do, i just can't get myself to do homework on the weekends. but i feel so much pressure to do homework on the weekends that i end up unable to do anything else. what a waste of time!

lately, i've been thinking, why not try to get as much of my homework done on weeknights after work? if i can manage that, then i can free myself from the weekend homework prison i've created (that i don't manage very successfully). my new goal: read for at least two hours on wednesdays, thursdays, and fridays. if there's a lot left, carve out just a couple of hours on saturday to do what i can, but let the rest go.

truthfully, and i'll post more about this next week, my husband and i have been eating 70% raw lately and i seriously love preparing raw food. it's something that i want to spend my sundays doing. also, i've been really getting into learning how to make clothing and i want to spend some time doing that on the weekends as well. the clothing thing might be a little selfish, because it might not amount to anything, but one product is pure joy and i really can't deny myself that given all the stress i'm under. so... over the next few weeks, i'm going to see how my weeks go. i do at some point need to add exercise to the equation, but i'm not going to worry about that just yet!

peace

i've got some longer posts in draft that will have to wait until spring. with finals out of the way and most of my larger projects completed at work, i'm taking a nice long breath, reading some books for pleasure, and relaxing.

tomorrow's my last day of work for 2010 and we get to leave sometime around noon (yippee). after a few days with family, i'll have a week to myself and then four days of vacation with my husband. i am so looking forward to all of this.

despite that i've got the hang of classes and reading and all of that, this semester has been the hardest yet, mostly because of stuff not exactly related to school. i'm happy that i made it through, but my body is tired and my spirit needs some revival and i'm so quietly happy that i'll have some time to unwind and destress over the next few weeks.

for now, i'd like to wish you all a happy and peaceful break.

how to be an explorer of the world

so, i have been in the midst of holiday shopping for a few weeks now. i like giving lots of fitting gifts, including jewelry, housewares, and most importantly, books. this year, i found a series of really interesting self-experimental books. the one i'm most interested in buying for myself is keri smith's how to be an explorer of the world: portable life museum. keri smith has made a lot of wild, amazing books, such as the following:

wreck this journal

living out loud

mess: the manual of accidents and mistakes

basically, these are books that take an atypical approach to "books." so awesome. her books seem to encourage people to take an inquiry stance on life and on normative notions of how to live (and how to read/interact with books).

the introduction of mess states, "warning: do not try to make something beautiful. do not throw this book out when you dislike a page. do not play it safe. do not worry about legibility. do have fun. do get dirty. do try something you've never tried before." i'm pretty sure that's life advice disguising itself as book advice. in other words, life is the most important text... something like that.

anyway, i'm tempted to get myself how to be an explorer of the world for the holidays. it's a research/fieldwork workbook on life. one of the book's "rules" is to "start with whatever makes you feel a twinge of excitement." that makes me excited.

books i want to read

about midway into every semester, swamped with work, i get the "what else is out there" itch. despite that i've got so much reading to do, i can't help but peak at things not related to my immediate coursework or research. i end up taking breaks from homework to indulge in some amazon window shopping, scoping out interesting texts, reading introductions and first chapters, and longing for more. here are some books that have caught my interest this month (mostly having to do with north korean life, as told by north korean refugees and their allies):

escaping north korea: defiance and hope in the world's most repressive country by mike kim

this book is written by a korean american who has helped to operate the north korean underground railroad (maybe there is more than one...), which stretches from pyong yang all the way to thailand and helps north korean refugees escape north korea through china and make their way to relative safety. kim also documents the lives of north korean refugees living in china, as well as the torture, human trafficking, and famine that has and continues to plague those living in and escaping north korea.

nothing to envy: ordinary lives in north korea by barbara demick

this book is written by an NYT writer who has spent many years living and working in south korea, china, israel, and other countries. she documents the lives of six north korean "defectors," but writes in a beautiful narrative style (i def checked out the first 20-30 pgs on amazon... so good) that fuses the everyday human experience with the historical and political contexts of north korea to kind of show the peculiarly nuanced ways that the ideologies of the dictatorship infiltrate every aspect of daily life and identity, including people's ability to trust their own judgment, act on their natural feelings (such as love), and build close relationships with community and family members.

this is paradise!: my north korean childhood by hyok kang and philippe grangereau

this book is about hyok kang, who was born in north korea and lived there until age 13 (in 1998), when he and his family escaped to south korea. he writes about his and his family's experiences, about the famine that wiped out most of his classmates, and about the disappearances and executions of community members that he and his family witnessed. this might be the most important book of the three, since it is written by a north korean "defector" about his own life. i can't help but notice that i'm the same age as kang... that he has lived lifetimes and had experienced things at 13 that i couldn't have imagined.

in case you're interested, all three books are available at the penn library. i kind of want to pick up kang's book myself, but i've got school reading to do! i'll save these for december.

an off week

no clue how, but i spent the entire weekend doing mostly nothing. i watched tv on hulu, watched late night movies in bed with my husband and cats, did not cook a single meal or buy groceries (but ate a lot of take-out), loafed on facebook which is something i seriously rarely do, and updated both of my personal (private) blogs. i'll admit i did do a bit of reading, but very far from my usual amount. i typically spend at least one weekend day at a cafe studying, but it's 5pm on sunday, so i am coming to terms with the fact that my typical weekend study routine is unlikely to materialize this particular weekend. and yes -- posting on this blog is another attempt to waste time.

in any case, i'm trying to think of some tips on how to get work done (literally, like, i want to blog about them and then somehow do them right now):

pre-planning and follow-through
the kind of pre-planning i typically do is really important, i think, for people who are short on time. a lot of the folks in my program have full-time jobs, so nights and weekends are huge for getting work done. at the same time, you can squeeze homework into morning commutes and coffee breaks. but the big thing that helps to actually get it done is focus and determination, i.e. planning to study and then doing it.

the only choice
one thing i do during the semester is take all of the non-school books out of my purse and replace them with shit i have to read. this way, when i'm in the mood for a book (for example, on the trolley in the morning), i am definitely going to read something for school.

blocking out time and going public
i also block out time on my calendar for reading/studying/etc. once that time is blocked out, i just have to follow through. i find that getting out of the house really helps me to get work done. when i'm in the house, i'm so distracted by my cats, my husband, my computer that i end up just hanging out and having fun all day. and i know this kind of sounds like a good thing, and it's true that you can never have too much fun, but by monday morning, if all i can show for my weekend is how much fun i had, i know i'm screwed. when the 9-5 hits, it's hard for me to stir up the energy to get anything done. basically, that's what i have to look forward to tomorrow if i don't get some shit done today.

pretending work is fun... or something
i list zenhabits.net as one of the blogs i read on the regular. leo, the writer of zenhabits, has written a couple of posts about re-tuning your mind to think of work as fun. this is especially useful for people who procrastinate... if you reframe work as something you're excited to do, then you're more likely to get to it and get it done. i haven't tried that hard at this one, but the idea that you can pretend something is fun until it really becomes fun actually makes sense to me, so i am definitely going to try it soon.

anyway, writing this hasn't really inspired me to do anything, so i'm going to go watch a movie with my husband and eat some pizza. i'm almost ashamed to post this, but you know what, everyone deserves an off week...