happy, healthy grad student

a couple weeks ago, my husband and i were sitting together at home and talking about how much work i had to do that night. he told me that i inspired him because every night after work, i came home and went straight to the couch with my books and studied. he said he was proud of me for doing things the way i have been and for being in school and working on my doctorate and also, for valuing me and us and our future. i've never imagined myself as the kind of person who comes home from work every night and studies, but it makes sense that i am. in fact, i'm modeling behavior that i've witnessed my whole life, first from my own parents who worked their butts off to bring my brothers and me to this country (when my dad had to redo his residency after moving to the states, we would often see him studying at his desk late into the night, a little metal lamp lighting up the pages of his book) and later from my husband who put himself through college and is among the hardest workers and most thoughtful people i know.

the truth is, i don't think i've ever had as "productive" a year as i have this year. i put productive in quotes because i don't even just mean it in an academic way. true, it's been a year full of accomplishments--at work, in my program, in my personal life--, but the most significant accomplishment has been my personal and emotional growth.

i was telling my husband that i was confused/surprised/bewildered by my ability to take 6 courses this year while working, and also that i was curious as to why i hadn't been able to do this in the past. of course, a big part of it was money. i have a student loan now and it's enabled me to take four more courses this year than i was able to afford in previous years (by the way, if you want to talk to someone about loans and paying for school, you can visit karima, gse's associate director of financial aid).

but the thing that has most enabled me to "do more" in these other areas of my life is that i've devoted a lot of 2011 to my own mental health and well-being. i don't typically talk about this kind of thing on my blog, but i think it is an important, even fundamental, part of getting through a grad program. grad school is stressful and exhausting, and if you don't take time for yourself, whether it be through exercise or seeing a therapist or reserving a few nights to be homework-free or ALL of these things, you might not come out of it the person you hoped you'd be.

all this is to say that working on my mental health and on my relationships (and making tough choices about creating distance in unhealthy relationships) has enabled me to do all that i have done this year. i really do feel stronger, smarter, more thoughtful, kinder, and more sensitive to the world than i ever have before. and more than that, i feel happy.

paper-writing and positive group relationships

i got a lot done this week, including my "selected questions" paper, which is the second of the two larger papers in the master's portfolio. yay. after writing it, i also revisited the larger portfolio and wrote a few of the smaller reflections. the portfolio is shaping up nicely. one of the things i need to do for the portfolio is to choose a few "artifacts" from my coursework to include in the portfolio and then to write a few paragraphs about each, i think partly explaining the work i did for them and partly explaining my reactions to rereading them. it's probably going to be enjoyable once i do it, but for now, i'm kind of feeling blah about having to reread old work.

i also began working on an organizational assessment that is part of the small group work for my "leading nonprofits" class. the small group work is a semester-long project in which we work with a real nonprofit in the city to offer advice by way of an organizational assessment, case statement, and strategic analysis. a bare-bones first-draft of the organizational assessment was due this past tuesday, prior to our first meeting with the organization's leadership team (in this case, the project director). i think a few weeks ago, i was expressing some anxiety about the possibility of working in a group where the members aren't interested in collaboration or hard work. i'm happy to report that i've lucked out again! both of my group members are smart, thoughtful go-getters. each of us has taken time to initiate assignments and offer feedback and to me, this is at the heart of good group relationships. on top of that, it seems like we're all positive and well-intentioned, which definitely helps. given that we each work full-time, having good attitudes and valuing collaboration takes away some of the stress typically associated with group projects.

all in all, even though i did a whole lot of reading and writing this week (and also left a lot unfinished), i feel pretty happy about where i am and about how the semester is shaping up. getting the "selected questions" piece done especially has taken quite a bit of stress out of my life, because i can now focus on my two classes.