distracted and excited

it's been almost a month since my last post (no!) and i wish i had more to report, but to be honest, i'm still recovering from a long and draining winter and the workload at my job this month has been overwhelming, so i've been just a bit distracted.

regarding comps, i was nervous at first, but to be honest, i'm kind of excited about taking it on as a project, especially the part where i get to put together a citation list for the questions that i drafted with my advisor. doing comps and an independent study this semester also means that i get to come home at a reasonable time of day, leaving work at 5 most days and being home by 6. it has also meant that i study on the couch a lot, i.e. by the fire with my loved ones:

finally, it means that my cat gets to live out his fantasies of lying among towers of books and papers (seriously, he loves lying on papers and falling asleep between the pages of books, often while i'm reading them...):

in any case, i hope to have a more substantially post to offer soon. in the meantime, this will have to do.

staying afloat

my winter study plans are in full swing. i'm actually lucky enough to get a week of paid holiday this upcoming week, which means i can focus on my winter class and my comps studying. to be honest, i thought i was off to a good start with studying for comps but i got caught up on other work last week (including having to hand in a final for my fall class, having A LOT to do at my job, having homework for my winter class, and having some family stuff going on) and all that meant that i fell a bit behind on comps studying. i know -- it's pretty disappointing.

still, i finally have all my materials in one place (in the physical world, that means it's all on one table finally; in the virtual world, i'm working on a prezi where all my notes can live and interact with each other). overall though, i think i'll be okay. two months from now, comps will all be over... i think.

my winter course has begun!

it's the second to last week of the semester and while many of my colleagues are working on final papers, i have already completed mine (though i do still have to present it on monday) and begun a new semester. that's right -- you're still writing your fall final papers and i'm already in my winter course. part of the reason for this overlap is that gse's semesters extend a couple weeks past those in the school of arts and sciences. since i'm doing a certificate at the fels institute of government (which is in the school of arts and sciences), some of my classes run on a slightly different schedule than my gse ones. my winter fels course(grant writing) is one of those cases.

to be honest, i planned to be exceptionally stressed out about this winter course, especially because i will be studying for my doctoral comps in tandem with this course. the course is comprised of 36 hours over 3 weeks with class sessions ranging from 3 hours (the bulk of sessions) to 8 hours (a couple of sessions run 4, 6, and 8 hours). today is the first day, an 8-hour session, and it has been quite fun and very educational.

the professor has a lot of real-life expertise in writing grant proposals to large foundations. one of the best parts of taking classes at fels is that every professor is a leader in the nonprofit world who brings a lot of real-life experience to their classrooms. our professor has also explained that she has designed this class for working professionals, so there's very little reading, but lots of real, applicable research and writing. i'm excited -- can you tell? even from the first class, i can tell that she's very interested in helping us to get our feet wet. yay.

comps group: take 1

though i'm just a few weeks past handing in my master's portfolio, i've officially begun preparing for comps. two weeks ago, i met with my advisor and she approved my comps questions. then last night, i met with a couple of cohort-mates who will be taking comps with me and we drew up a plan of action to sort the readings from the various classes we've taken over the past 3+ years and to study them with interest and depth.

our meeting was filled with (for me, anyway) a really wonderful blend of nostalgic and new energy. on the one hand, these are women with whom i began my doctoral journey and whose writings and thoughts have inspired me over the years. however, since most of my cohort-mates are part-time students, we have barely had opportunities to see or study with each other since our first year and so our paths have seemed to veer in different directions. being back together to take our comps is refreshing and energizing.

i am excited to learn from these inspiring women, to read and write alongside them again, and to remember dr. sipe's words: that we all have a legacy together. i'm sure i'll write more posts about comps over the next ten weeks, but as you can see, it has already become that perfect rwl doctoral studies blend of stress and excitement. one thing i've enjoyed about my cohort is that we all seem to tear through everything we're reading, picking it apart with passion and curiosity and making deep connections to our lives and work. even this initial meeting seemed to stir up this same blend among our now tiny group: we are all so excited to re-read and remember, but we're terrified about the time limitations.

last night, sitting together around a table and taking notes, we commented that it felt like it had been ages since we'd done this. and at the same time, we couldn't believe that we'd made it this far.

reading all the time

these past few weeks, i've had an overwhelming amount of reading to do for class but i've somehow managed to get it all done. in the past, i've said that i think students should take at least one day off from school work and i do generally follow this rule myself. however, there are some other steps i've discovered that i think can help us read more and read better, too:

moving breaks to the middle of the week
typically, when classes are done for a week, i breathe a sigh of relief and take the following day off. for example, i have class on monday and tuesday and so wednesday ends up being my "day off" from reading. however, wednesday sometimes filters into thursday and then i'm all of a sudden feeling very behind and completely clueless as to what i need to do. the best study trick i've found is to not use classes as the determinant for when the week starts and ends. rather, use some day further along in the week.

for me, this day is thursday. so, on tuesdays, when my week of classes is done, i try to grab my readings and bring them home. on wednesday, i spend some time getting a grasp on what i have to do for the following week and then i get started doing it. in this way, i'm always on board with the work i have to do and once i have a sense of how much there is, it's easier for me to plan for the rest of the week. that way, by thursday, i can take my "day off" from reading but still have the work on my radar.

reading for pleasure
you might be thinking, "i barely have time to read my school work; how the hell can i fit pleasure reading into this?" it turns out that pleasure reading is actually one important key to being a good student. first, pleasure reading helps you to maintain and at times (for example, my fall reading of the count of monte cristo) gain reading momentum. in other words, it's a great way to make reading a habit without being constantly bogged down with homework. second, pleasure reading is good for you mental health, so doing it actually strengthens your brain and makes you further prepared for the difficult school work you have to do. i have to say that ever since i made reading for pleasure a daily habit, i've actually upped my homework reading as well.

i haven't written in about a month and that means i'm at that point in the semester where my work feels overwhelming and i am losing track of my responsibilities. it's never a good sign, or maybe it is. in any case, i ended up getting assigned a ton of work in each class this week. for some reason, people think that thanksgiving break means people have more time to do work. let me just straighten that out right now: thanksgiving break does not give students extra time to do work. for starters, it's the exact same amount of time between classes as in any other week and if anything, there's less time because we have to spend time traveling or being with family.

so, to fill you in on what i've been up to since i last posted:

- i handed in my master's portfolio!
- i got my comps questions approved (i'll be taking them in the spring)
- i finished the count of monte cristo (i know, this isn't school-related, but still, it was an awesome book)!
- i'm a presentation and a paper away from having completed my fels course (at which point, i'll be 3 down and 2 to go)
- i'm a final curriculum as inquiry project away from having completed my master's course
- i'm taking a fels winter course on grant writing

i'm excited about how my coursework has shaped up this year. re: this weekend, i am really just going to try and push my way through a lot of work. i read two books for class today and wrote a response paper i'm not even sure how, but i have worked up the energy to write one more short paper tonight. i'll see where i am tomorrow, but i'll hopefully be in a good place so i can do more writing and revising. wish me luck!

happy, healthy grad student

a couple weeks ago, my husband and i were sitting together at home and talking about how much work i had to do that night. he told me that i inspired him because every night after work, i came home and went straight to the couch with my books and studied. he said he was proud of me for doing things the way i have been and for being in school and working on my doctorate and also, for valuing me and us and our future. i've never imagined myself as the kind of person who comes home from work every night and studies, but it makes sense that i am. in fact, i'm modeling behavior that i've witnessed my whole life, first from my own parents who worked their butts off to bring my brothers and me to this country (when my dad had to redo his residency after moving to the states, we would often see him studying at his desk late into the night, a little metal lamp lighting up the pages of his book) and later from my husband who put himself through college and is among the hardest workers and most thoughtful people i know.

the truth is, i don't think i've ever had as "productive" a year as i have this year. i put productive in quotes because i don't even just mean it in an academic way. true, it's been a year full of accomplishments--at work, in my program, in my personal life--, but the most significant accomplishment has been my personal and emotional growth.

i was telling my husband that i was confused/surprised/bewildered by my ability to take 6 courses this year while working, and also that i was curious as to why i hadn't been able to do this in the past. of course, a big part of it was money. i have a student loan now and it's enabled me to take four more courses this year than i was able to afford in previous years (by the way, if you want to talk to someone about loans and paying for school, you can visit karima, gse's associate director of financial aid).

but the thing that has most enabled me to "do more" in these other areas of my life is that i've devoted a lot of 2011 to my own mental health and well-being. i don't typically talk about this kind of thing on my blog, but i think it is an important, even fundamental, part of getting through a grad program. grad school is stressful and exhausting, and if you don't take time for yourself, whether it be through exercise or seeing a therapist or reserving a few nights to be homework-free or ALL of these things, you might not come out of it the person you hoped you'd be.

all this is to say that working on my mental health and on my relationships (and making tough choices about creating distance in unhealthy relationships) has enabled me to do all that i have done this year. i really do feel stronger, smarter, more thoughtful, kinder, and more sensitive to the world than i ever have before. and more than that, i feel happy.

paper-writing and positive group relationships

i got a lot done this week, including my "selected questions" paper, which is the second of the two larger papers in the master's portfolio. yay. after writing it, i also revisited the larger portfolio and wrote a few of the smaller reflections. the portfolio is shaping up nicely. one of the things i need to do for the portfolio is to choose a few "artifacts" from my coursework to include in the portfolio and then to write a few paragraphs about each, i think partly explaining the work i did for them and partly explaining my reactions to rereading them. it's probably going to be enjoyable once i do it, but for now, i'm kind of feeling blah about having to reread old work.

i also began working on an organizational assessment that is part of the small group work for my "leading nonprofits" class. the small group work is a semester-long project in which we work with a real nonprofit in the city to offer advice by way of an organizational assessment, case statement, and strategic analysis. a bare-bones first-draft of the organizational assessment was due this past tuesday, prior to our first meeting with the organization's leadership team (in this case, the project director). i think a few weeks ago, i was expressing some anxiety about the possibility of working in a group where the members aren't interested in collaboration or hard work. i'm happy to report that i've lucked out again! both of my group members are smart, thoughtful go-getters. each of us has taken time to initiate assignments and offer feedback and to me, this is at the heart of good group relationships. on top of that, it seems like we're all positive and well-intentioned, which definitely helps. given that we each work full-time, having good attitudes and valuing collaboration takes away some of the stress typically associated with group projects.

all in all, even though i did a whole lot of reading and writing this week (and also left a lot unfinished), i feel pretty happy about where i am and about how the semester is shaping up. getting the "selected questions" piece done especially has taken quite a bit of stress out of my life, because i can now focus on my two classes.

a new approach to paper-writing

i took the day off today to work on my "selected questions" paper, which is the second of the two main papers that make up the master's portfolio. i've been working on it a lot this week and especially today but in the process of doing so, i've realized that i have developed something of a new process of writing and it looks kind of like this:

1. table of contents as a working outline
so, i've pretty often used outlines as a good start to writing, but lately, i don't necessarily write in-depth outlines right away. instead, i start by writing a table of contents, which acts as my pg 1 for my document. it's kind of a working outline with notes hear and there, but primarily, with a general sense of the "sections" i'm looking for and approximately how many pages i see each one becoming.

2. "what i already know"
prior to doing a lot of reading i write into each table of contents section with notes and ideas formed by "what i already know." this helps me to flesh out some of the ideas i already have, as well as to ask questions around what i want to learn.

3. journaling throughout the process
i keep a hand-written journal of the process. this includes notes, ideas, questions, and so on. it also includes things that are semi-relevant like, "this paper is annoying me" or "what should i eat for dinner tonight?" in any case, it's kind of living documentation of the work in progress. i also use this journal to take notes of the things i read. as my journal fills out, there are also page reserved for special types of notes. for example, in my SQ paper journal, i've got pages like:

-journals (journals that many of the authors i'm reading publish in that i want to check out or can imagine eventually submitting manuscripts to)
-terminology (words certain scholars use that i want to dig into or question further. for example, i've read quite a few articles by an australian scholar who is writing on work and learning, like i am, but who uses different terms for things than i or other american writers might)
-ongoing questions (questions that this work brings up for me)
-future work (questions and ideas that may or may not be related to the topic at hand, but things i want to come back to)

4. gather literature, read, and take notes
i gather a lot of literature via google scholar, as well as other places. i begin by reading abstracts and conclusions and then dip in and out of the bodies of articles. as i skip through the articles, i note down interesting ideas, questions, and so on into my journal. i also have a somewhat formalized system for my marginal notes. for example, i use stars to point to big ideas; i sometimes underline terms and concepts i want to return to; and i use astrisks for things i want to dig deeper into, namely other authors/works/texts that the authors reference.

5. stop at any point in this process to write into the main paper doc
i stop reading/note-taking somewhat frequently when i feel inspired to add to my main paper document.

i find this current system to be easy but also very organized, so its made paper writing feel a lot more thoughtful, simplified, and inviting. i end up feeling very focused and not scattered, which also helps me to feel closer to the work.

lately, i've been struggling to balance my various responsibilities. this week was really busy at work with two big events to deal with. on top of that, i just had a ton of reading to do, so much so that i took a half day on tuesday to get a nice chunk done. turns out i was one of the only people in class who actually read all of the articles, so i think i need to cut myself a break and just do whatever i can.

i guess the thing that's been hardest for me is to focus on my "selected questions" paper, the second paper in the master's portfolio, with classwork piling in. i find myself having difficulty just sitting down and working on it. i could potentially ask for an extension, but the truth is that i just need to get it done because i have so much other regular semester work to focus on. also, my husband and i are finally going on a vacation (to jamaica in mid-october -- yay!) and i just can't have a paper like this hanging over my head when i'm trying to relax.

my current plan is to try and get a lot of my work done early so that i'm not stuck doing work while on vacation. in any case, we'll see how well that goes. right now, i'm barely staying afloat. but at least i'm smiling through it.