keep quiet; learn something.

one of the things i've learned this past year is that people don't get enough credit for keeping their big mouths shut. lately, i've been working hard to practice mouth-shutting whenever possible. i'm full of opinions, so shutting the eff up hasn't been that easy, but i'm working on it. below, i highlight some ways of thinking about what shutting up can look like, and how it helps me to broaden my world view and even empower myself:

speaking from experience
this is kind of a quasi-shutting up tactic, but the bottom line is that people often speak from speculation. a person might say something like, "those kids in those schools have parents who..." this is never a good tactic. first of all, making generalizations about kids and parents and schools is never good for anyone, and it's rare that the generalizations reflect fact. second, people are going to hate you and this will further invalidate what you say.

a good approach when talking in class (and really in any setting) is to speak from one's own experience. for example, "when i was in school, it happened this way..." or "my own personal experiences as a person of color have been..." i think practicing this helps us to stop essentializing others as well.

bowing out of certain battles
we've all been in situations in class where someone says something offensive, or someone states an opinion that we know comes out of bias and privilege. in addition, many of us have been in situations where someone made an assumption that stereotyped a group that we belong to. while i have a right to call these folks out, to straighten out the misconception, etc, it's not my job. and this has been a hard thing for me to learn.

on the one hand, people of color and people of difference often feel the burden of having to clarify, school, or even just bear witness to experiences that are left out of classroom discussion. and sometimes, we just have to let it go for the moment because being the one to clarify can be a heavy burden and it can further marginalize us in the learning space. in addition, it's possible that the person making the offensive statement is a professor, and then speaking out can also put us in a worrisome position when it comes to grades. knowing that it's okay to bow out of a battle makes it a little easier; and it doesn't mean that issue won't come up at some other point, or that i won't take it up some other way.

engaging through silence or questions
another conversational approach that has really helped me get to know and understand others' points of view is staying silent and asking questions... i often think that people don't ask enough questions these days. it's important to me, when hanging out with friends, colleagues, professors to get a sense of how the view the world, how they have experienced the world, and how they know the world. one way i've been doing this lately is by holding off on sharing my point of view and instead, asking clarifying questions to dig deeper into their thinking.

an off week

no clue how, but i spent the entire weekend doing mostly nothing. i watched tv on hulu, watched late night movies in bed with my husband and cats, did not cook a single meal or buy groceries (but ate a lot of take-out), loafed on facebook which is something i seriously rarely do, and updated both of my personal (private) blogs. i'll admit i did do a bit of reading, but very far from my usual amount. i typically spend at least one weekend day at a cafe studying, but it's 5pm on sunday, so i am coming to terms with the fact that my typical weekend study routine is unlikely to materialize this particular weekend. and yes -- posting on this blog is another attempt to waste time.

in any case, i'm trying to think of some tips on how to get work done (literally, like, i want to blog about them and then somehow do them right now):

pre-planning and follow-through
the kind of pre-planning i typically do is really important, i think, for people who are short on time. a lot of the folks in my program have full-time jobs, so nights and weekends are huge for getting work done. at the same time, you can squeeze homework into morning commutes and coffee breaks. but the big thing that helps to actually get it done is focus and determination, i.e. planning to study and then doing it.

the only choice
one thing i do during the semester is take all of the non-school books out of my purse and replace them with shit i have to read. this way, when i'm in the mood for a book (for example, on the trolley in the morning), i am definitely going to read something for school.

blocking out time and going public
i also block out time on my calendar for reading/studying/etc. once that time is blocked out, i just have to follow through. i find that getting out of the house really helps me to get work done. when i'm in the house, i'm so distracted by my cats, my husband, my computer that i end up just hanging out and having fun all day. and i know this kind of sounds like a good thing, and it's true that you can never have too much fun, but by monday morning, if all i can show for my weekend is how much fun i had, i know i'm screwed. when the 9-5 hits, it's hard for me to stir up the energy to get anything done. basically, that's what i have to look forward to tomorrow if i don't get some shit done today.

pretending work is fun... or something
i list zenhabits.net as one of the blogs i read on the regular. leo, the writer of zenhabits, has written a couple of posts about re-tuning your mind to think of work as fun. this is especially useful for people who procrastinate... if you reframe work as something you're excited to do, then you're more likely to get to it and get it done. i haven't tried that hard at this one, but the idea that you can pretend something is fun until it really becomes fun actually makes sense to me, so i am definitely going to try it soon.

anyway, writing this hasn't really inspired me to do anything, so i'm going to go watch a movie with my husband and eat some pizza. i'm almost ashamed to post this, but you know what, everyone deserves an off week...