counting and facing the dead in iraq

in light of veteran's day (11/11), i have been thinking about the veterans in my life.  i have always been vehemently anti-war and i continue to uphold this stance.  still, my thoughts on veterans have changed dramatically in the past few years, partly because five years ago, one of my best childhood friends died in the us/iraq war.  i had lost touch with him and we hadn't spoken for probably six years, but i had been trying to get in contact with him.  i didn't know what he was doing and i didn't know that he had become a marine.  there's something about putting a face and a heart to an image that just changes it in every way.

i have had relatives die, but being in another country, i have always lived so far from folks that i've mourned and missed them in a completely different way.  when my grandfathers died, i missed them from a distance, regretting that i never had the chance to spend quality time with them, wishing i could have asked them first-hand about their life stories, about their dreams.

but this was someone i had dreamt with, someone i'd spent a lot of time with, someone i had held hands with and kissed, someone i had joked with, eaten pizza with, stayed up late with.  this was someone i had been in love with.  and i don't think i'll ever get over his death.  everything feels so incomplete and unfinished.  i always thought that we and our group of friends would meet one day as adults.  but i'll never see him again.  i'll never get to introduce him to my husband or listen to music with him or eat pizza with him.  nothing.

in any case, it's become important to me to make a distinction between being anti-war and being pro-troop-support.  i don't agree with war by any means, but i do know that veterans suffer hardcore while they are away and when they come home.  i believe strongly that people are good and i think it's important to show goodness and kindness to people who have lived through war, and to honor those who have lived through war and those who have died in war.

if you're interested in the us/iraq war (or if not. if you: are pro-war, identify as american, don't identify as american but live in the states, are anti-war...), you might be interested to know that more than 4,000 us troops have died in iraq since the war began back in 2003.  click here for an incredible and relatively up-to-date interactive analysis of the american casualties of the us/iraq war: http://www.nytimes.com/ref/us/20061228_3000FACES_TAB1.html

there are three tabs.  if you click the first one, you can look at the actual faces of american military folks who have died in iraq.  if you type in the last name "branning," you can see my childhood friend david who died in fallujah.

in tab two, you can check out the interactive analysis.  this is my favorite part.  within this section, if you click on the link for "second invasion of fallujah," you can see that the first bar represents deaths in the week of nov 7, 2004.  david was one of the 67 deaths in that week.  in that week, 61% of those who died were 18 - 24 years old and 63% of those who died were marines.  69% of the deaths in that week happened in fallujah.  87% of those who died that week were white.  if you click on the link under "location of death," you can switch it over to the "home state" representation, which shows you which u.s. states people who died in that time period were from.

an interesting note: there are little red arrows in the bar graph.  note that the third arrow from the left states that on april 27, 2003, bush announced the end of major combat.  from the start of the war until that arrow, there were 141 deaths.  that means that the majority of deaths happened AFTER he announced the end of major combat.  since april 27, 2003, another 4,156 american military people have died in iraq.  [note also that this does not include non-military americans, ex: journalists; iraqis; civilians; people who are neither american or iraqi; non-US military; journalists from around the globe]

in tab three, you can hear personal stories of those who died.  NYT has chosen to feature the stories of 9 people who died in january 2006.  it's probably an arbitrary selection, but i haven't listened to any of them yet.

i'd love to hear your comments and thoughts on this, so please feel free to respond.

my first workshop!

i just finished teaching my first 5-week workshop, "asian american experience," through asian arts initiative.  overall, i'm excited about how it went and i definitely want to keep teaching in this capacity.  at first, i was really nervous.  this workshop was something i felt i'd pulled out of thin air.  sure, my ideas were grounded in my interests, in my undergraduate studies, and in my community activism, but i felt so unsure of whether i could really do this.  still, teaching workshops is something i'd wanted to do for a long time and this summer, i knew i'd get my chance.

it started as just an idea.  i knew that i wanted to work with other asian americans in the city and teach asian-american history, literature, and experience.  when i met toni at asian arts initiative and talked with her about the possibility of doing a workshop, i found that it was work she felt was really important as well and that she wanted to help make this happen.  over the summer, she worked with other organizations like philly chinatown development corp (pdcd) to recruit interested youth and in the fall, we set up a date to get started.  i decided to design a 5-week workshop, did research in my own very small library, as well as at penn's library, and developed a syllabus.  then, toni found 6-9 high-schoolers who were interested in attending.

in october, we met for the first time as a group; we began talking and learning about asian american history, sharing our own histories, and making connections between the two.  over the course of the next few weeks, we covered a lot of history: early immigration, chinese and sikh railroad and mine workers' history, violence, anti-chinese immigration law, stereotyping, racial microaggressions, racism, violence, present-day struggle.  our workshop was held half in english and half in chinese, all guided by pcdc's xu lin, who acted as a translator, but also offered a lot of his own insights and experiences.  i don't think i could ever have imagined such a well-balanced dynamic as the one he created.  it felt as if not a single comment or idea was lost in translation and as if everyone was given opportunities to share their stories and ask questions.  i hope the students felt this way as well.

the last couple weeks of the workshop went kind of strange.  first, a storm and the flu prevented most of the kids from attending the fourth session.  the septa strike prevented our fifth meeting as well.  so, we postponed our last class to this past week.  still, the flu kept most kids from attending and the last meeting was just slightly anticlimactic.  only two students showed up, but the three of us (and my coordinator toni) had a great talk, focusing on the vincent chin case (and trials) and on present-day violence, including violence and misunderstandings that they deal with in their philadelphia schools (read more here: asian students under assault).  all in all, the workshop went well and i'm excited to continue this work in the future.

loving the world

the best part about studying at cafe loftus is that it enables me to people-watch in one of my favorite parts of the city.  and while i don't always get the most studying done here per se, being here does help me to think about, remember, feel close to, and deepen my sense of the work i want to do in the world.  sitting at cafe loftus, watching people, and listening to the city's sounds, i am reminded of my mission of wanting to work closely with people and wanting my work in the world to be devoted to loving people and helping make their lives better.

defeating the slacker persona

working full time makes it hard to study during the week.  most days, i get home between seven and ten and i'm just too exhausted to read anything before bed.  so, the weekends end up being designated for schoolwork.  staying home, though, doesn't work.  i get caught up watching movies, cooking, and hanging out with my husband.

last semester, i was really good about getting out of the house.  at least one weekend day (usually sundays), i would go to a cafe (typically chapterhouse on 9th & bainbridge or higher grounds in nolibs) and study my ass off from morning to night.  this semester, though, i've been a real slacker.  every weekend, i cook, watch movies, and hang out with my husband.  i rarely leave the house to study anymore.  i don't know why i've become such a slacker homebody, but i need to get back in the homework zone.

today, my friend pre and i are studying out of the house.  we planned to leave at 11:30, but ended up meeting up around 12:30 and getting brunch at the belgian cafe before going to study.  now, it's 4:30 and i'm just getting started.  old habits die hard, but i'm trying.

let life get in the way

a friend of mine and i were talking this weekend about how life sometimes gets in the way of school.  we grad students have a tendency to place school first and do other things (ex: socializing with friends; eating regularly; calling family members; bathing; etc.) only when we have time.  i was talking to her about my dad -- when he was in medical school in the 70s, he got really sick over finals week, recovered too late to make up the exams, and had to redo an entire year of school.  as i said to her, he's told me this story a couple of times when i've complained about feeling like i wasn't moving fast enough in life in order to let me know that in the long run, that little bit of falling behind doesn't even matter.  it's true -- despite having to do that year over, he still became a doctor, still has a family he loves, and still has a happy and fulfilling life.

while i've always known all of this, i sometimes get wrapped up in the immediacy of school requirements.  i find myself not caring about food or rest and i lose track of the things that are important in life.  yes -- doing well in school is important, but really not as important as spending time with my friends, getting enough sleep, and making time for my husband.

in the long run, it's okay if one weekend, i only read the "conclusions" sections of my assigned readings, or if i skim a book instead of reading it all the way.  it's equally fine to go out on a saturday night and sleep in on sunday.

this is a lesson i'm familiar with, and yet i still need to re-learn it every once in a while.  and that's okay, too.