mel blogs GSE

distracted and excited

2012-01-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

it's been almost a month since my last post (no!) and i wish i had more to report, but to be honest, i'm still recovering from a long and draining winter and the workload at my job this month has been overwhelming, so i've been just a bit distracted.

regarding comps, i was nervous at first, but to be honest, i'm kind of excited about taking it on as a project, especially the part where i get to put together a citation list for the questions that i drafted with my advisor. doing comps and an independent study this semester also means that i get to come home at a reasonable time of day, leaving work at 5 most days and being home by 6. it has also meant that i study on the couch a lot, i.e. by the fire with my loved ones:

finally, it means that my cat gets to live out his fantasies of lying among towers of books and papers (seriously, he loves lying on papers and falling asleep between the pages of books, often while i'm reading them...):

in any case, i hope to have a more substantially post to offer soon. in the meantime, this will have to do.

staying afloat

2011-12-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

my winter study plans are in full swing. i'm actually lucky enough to get a week of paid holiday this upcoming week, which means i can focus on my winter class and my comps studying. to be honest, i thought i was off to a good start with studying for comps but i got caught up on other work last week (including having to hand in a final for my fall class, having A LOT to do at my job, having homework for my winter class, and having some family stuff going on) and all that meant that i fell a bit behind on comps studying. i know -- it's pretty disappointing.

still, i finally have all my materials in one place (in the physical world, that means it's all on one table finally; in the virtual world, i'm working on a prezi where all my notes can live and interact with each other). overall though, i think i'll be okay. two months from now, comps will all be over... i think.

my winter course has begun!

2011-12-17T12:23:00.000-08:00

it's the second to last week of the semester and while many of my colleagues are working on final papers, i have already completed mine (though i do still have to present it on monday) and begun a new semester. that's right -- you're still writing your fall final papers and i'm already in my winter course. part of the reason for this overlap is that gse's semesters extend a couple weeks past those in the school of arts and sciences. since i'm doing a certificate at the fels institute of government (which is in the school of arts and sciences), some of my classes run on a slightly different schedule than my gse ones. my winter fels course(grant writing) is one of those cases.

to be honest, i planned to be exceptionally stressed out about this winter course, especially because i will be studying for my doctoral comps in tandem with this course. the course is comprised of 36 hours over 3 weeks with class sessions ranging from 3 hours (the bulk of sessions) to 8 hours (a couple of sessions run 4, 6, and 8 hours). today is the first day, an 8-hour session, and it has been quite fun and very educational.

the professor has a lot of real-life expertise in writing grant proposals to large foundations. one of the best parts of taking classes at fels is that every professor is a leader in the nonprofit world who brings a lot of real-life experience to their classrooms. our professor has also explained that she has designed this class for working professionals, so there's very little reading, but lots of real, applicable research and writing. i'm excited -- can you tell? even from the first class, i can tell that she's very interested in helping us to get our feet wet. yay.

comps group: take 1

2011-12-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

though i'm just a few weeks past handing in my master's portfolio, i've officially begun preparing for comps. two weeks ago, i met with my advisor and she approved my comps questions. then last night, i met with a couple of cohort-mates who will be taking comps with me and we drew up a plan of action to sort the readings from the various classes we've taken over the past 3+ years and to study them with interest and depth.

our meeting was filled with (for me, anyway) a really wonderful blend of nostalgic and new energy. on the one hand, these are women with whom i began my doctoral journey and whose writings and thoughts have inspired me over the years. however, since most of my cohort-mates are part-time students, we have barely had opportunities to see or study with each other since our first year and so our paths have seemed to veer in different directions. being back together to take our comps is refreshing and energizing.

i am excited to learn from these inspiring women, to read and write alongside them again, and to remember dr. sipe's words: that we all have a legacy together. i'm sure i'll write more posts about comps over the next ten weeks, but as you can see, it has already become that perfect rwl doctoral studies blend of stress and excitement. one thing i've enjoyed about my cohort is that we all seem to tear through everything we're reading, picking it apart with passion and curiosity and making deep connections to our lives and work. even this initial meeting seemed to stir up this same blend among our now tiny group: we are all so excited to re-read and remember, but we're terrified about the time limitations.

last night, sitting together around a table and taking notes, we commented that it felt like it had been ages since we'd done this. and at the same time, we couldn't believe that we'd made it this far.

reading all the time

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

these past few weeks, i've had an overwhelming amount of reading to do for class but i've somehow managed to get it all done. in the past, i've said that i think students should take at least one day off from school work and i do generally follow this rule myself. however, there are some other steps i've discovered that i think can help us read more and read better, too:

moving breaks to the middle of the week
typically, when classes are done for a week, i breathe a sigh of relief and take the following day off. for example, i have class on monday and tuesday and so wednesday ends up being my "day off" from reading. however, wednesday sometimes filters into thursday and then i'm all of a sudden feeling very behind and completely clueless as to what i need to do. the best study trick i've found is to not use classes as the determinant for when the week starts and ends. rather, use some day further along in the week.

for me, this day is thursday. so, on tuesdays, when my week of classes is done, i try to grab my readings and bring them home. on wednesday, i spend some time getting a grasp on what i have to do for the following week and then i get started doing it. in this way, i'm always on board with the work i have to do and once i have a sense of how much there is, it's easier for me to plan for the rest of the week. that way, by thursday, i can take my "day off" from reading but still have the work on my radar.

reading for pleasure
you might be thinking, "i barely have time to read my school work; how the hell can i fit pleasure reading into this?" it turns out that pleasure reading is actually one important key to being a good student. first, pleasure reading helps you to maintain and at times (for example, my fall reading of the count of monte cristo) gain reading momentum. in other words, it's a great way to make reading a habit without being constantly bogged down with homework. second, pleasure reading is good for you mental health, so doing it actually strengthens your brain and makes you further prepared for the difficult school work you have to do. i have to say that ever since i made reading for pleasure a daily habit, i've actually upped my homework reading as well.

2011-11-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

i haven't written in about a month and that means i'm at that point in the semester where my work feels overwhelming and i am losing track of my responsibilities. it's never a good sign, or maybe it is. in any case, i ended up getting assigned a ton of work in each class this week. for some reason, people think that thanksgiving break means people have more time to do work. let me just straighten that out right now: thanksgiving break does not give students extra time to do work. for starters, it's the exact same amount of time between classes as in any other week and if anything, there's less time because we have to spend time traveling or being with family.

so, to fill you in on what i've been up to since i last posted:

- i handed in my master's portfolio!
- i got my comps questions approved (i'll be taking them in the spring)
- i finished the count of monte cristo (i know, this isn't school-related, but still, it was an awesome book)!
- i'm a presentation and a paper away from having completed my fels course (at which point, i'll be 3 down and 2 to go)
- i'm a final curriculum as inquiry project away from having completed my master's course
- i'm taking a fels winter course on grant writing

i'm excited about how my coursework has shaped up this year. re: this weekend, i am really just going to try and push my way through a lot of work. i read two books for class today and wrote a response paper i'm not even sure how, but i have worked up the energy to write one more short paper tonight. i'll see where i am tomorrow, but i'll hopefully be in a good place so i can do more writing and revising. wish me luck!

happy, healthy grad student

2011-10-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

a couple weeks ago, my husband and i were sitting together at home and talking about how much work i had to do that night. he told me that i inspired him because every night after work, i came home and went straight to the couch with my books and studied. he said he was proud of me for doing things the way i have been and for being in school and working on my doctorate and also, for valuing me and us and our future. i've never imagined myself as the kind of person who comes home from work every night and studies, but it makes sense that i am. in fact, i'm modeling behavior that i've witnessed my whole life, first from my own parents who worked their butts off to bring my brothers and me to this country (when my dad had to redo his residency after moving to the states, we would often see him studying at his desk late into the night, a little metal lamp lighting up the pages of his book) and later from my husband who put himself through college and is among the hardest workers and most thoughtful people i know.

the truth is, i don't think i've ever had as "productive" a year as i have this year. i put productive in quotes because i don't even just mean it in an academic way. true, it's been a year full of accomplishments--at work, in my program, in my personal life--, but the most significant accomplishment has been my personal and emotional growth.

i was telling my husband that i was confused/surprised/bewildered by my ability to take 6 courses this year while working, and also that i was curious as to why i hadn't been able to do this in the past. of course, a big part of it was money. i have a student loan now and it's enabled me to take four more courses this year than i was able to afford in previous years (by the way, if you want to talk to someone about loans and paying for school, you can visit karima, gse's associate director of financial aid).

but the thing that has most enabled me to "do more" in these other areas of my life is that i've devoted a lot of 2011 to my own mental health and well-being. i don't typically talk about this kind of thing on my blog, but i think it is an important, even fundamental, part of getting through a grad program. grad school is stressful and exhausting, and if you don't take time for yourself, whether it be through exercise or seeing a therapist or reserving a few nights to be homework-free or ALL of these things, you might not come out of it the person you hoped you'd be.

all this is to say that working on my mental health and on my relationships (and making tough choices about creating distance in unhealthy relationships) has enabled me to do all that i have done this year. i really do feel stronger, smarter, more thoughtful, kinder, and more sensitive to the world than i ever have before. and more than that, i feel happy.

paper-writing and positive group relationships

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

i got a lot done this week, including my "selected questions" paper, which is the second of the two larger papers in the master's portfolio. yay. after writing it, i also revisited the larger portfolio and wrote a few of the smaller reflections. the portfolio is shaping up nicely. one of the things i need to do for the portfolio is to choose a few "artifacts" from my coursework to include in the portfolio and then to write a few paragraphs about each, i think partly explaining the work i did for them and partly explaining my reactions to rereading them. it's probably going to be enjoyable once i do it, but for now, i'm kind of feeling blah about having to reread old work.

i also began working on an organizational assessment that is part of the small group work for my "leading nonprofits" class. the small group work is a semester-long project in which we work with a real nonprofit in the city to offer advice by way of an organizational assessment, case statement, and strategic analysis. a bare-bones first-draft of the organizational assessment was due this past tuesday, prior to our first meeting with the organization's leadership team (in this case, the project director). i think a few weeks ago, i was expressing some anxiety about the possibility of working in a group where the members aren't interested in collaboration or hard work. i'm happy to report that i've lucked out again! both of my group members are smart, thoughtful go-getters. each of us has taken time to initiate assignments and offer feedback and to me, this is at the heart of good group relationships. on top of that, it seems like we're all positive and well-intentioned, which definitely helps. given that we each work full-time, having good attitudes and valuing collaboration takes away some of the stress typically associated with group projects.

all in all, even though i did a whole lot of reading and writing this week (and also left a lot unfinished), i feel pretty happy about where i am and about how the semester is shaping up. getting the "selected questions" piece done especially has taken quite a bit of stress out of my life, because i can now focus on my two classes.

a new approach to paper-writing

2011-09-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

i took the day off today to work on my "selected questions" paper, which is the second of the two main papers that make up the master's portfolio. i've been working on it a lot this week and especially today but in the process of doing so, i've realized that i have developed something of a new process of writing and it looks kind of like this:

1. table of contents as a working outline
so, i've pretty often used outlines as a good start to writing, but lately, i don't necessarily write in-depth outlines right away. instead, i start by writing a table of contents, which acts as my pg 1 for my document. it's kind of a working outline with notes hear and there, but primarily, with a general sense of the "sections" i'm looking for and approximately how many pages i see each one becoming.

2. "what i already know"
prior to doing a lot of reading i write into each table of contents section with notes and ideas formed by "what i already know." this helps me to flesh out some of the ideas i already have, as well as to ask questions around what i want to learn.

3. journaling throughout the process
i keep a hand-written journal of the process. this includes notes, ideas, questions, and so on. it also includes things that are semi-relevant like, "this paper is annoying me" or "what should i eat for dinner tonight?" in any case, it's kind of living documentation of the work in progress. i also use this journal to take notes of the things i read. as my journal fills out, there are also page reserved for special types of notes. for example, in my SQ paper journal, i've got pages like:

-journals (journals that many of the authors i'm reading publish in that i want to check out or can imagine eventually submitting manuscripts to)
-terminology (words certain scholars use that i want to dig into or question further. for example, i've read quite a few articles by an australian scholar who is writing on work and learning, like i am, but who uses different terms for things than i or other american writers might)
-ongoing questions (questions that this work brings up for me)
-future work (questions and ideas that may or may not be related to the topic at hand, but things i want to come back to)

4. gather literature, read, and take notes
i gather a lot of literature via google scholar, as well as other places. i begin by reading abstracts and conclusions and then dip in and out of the bodies of articles. as i skip through the articles, i note down interesting ideas, questions, and so on into my journal. i also have a somewhat formalized system for my marginal notes. for example, i use stars to point to big ideas; i sometimes underline terms and concepts i want to return to; and i use astrisks for things i want to dig deeper into, namely other authors/works/texts that the authors reference.

5. stop at any point in this process to write into the main paper doc
i stop reading/note-taking somewhat frequently when i feel inspired to add to my main paper document.

i find this current system to be easy but also very organized, so its made paper writing feel a lot more thoughtful, simplified, and inviting. i end up feeling very focused and not scattered, which also helps me to feel closer to the work.

2011-09-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

lately, i've been struggling to balance my various responsibilities. this week was really busy at work with two big events to deal with. on top of that, i just had a ton of reading to do, so much so that i took a half day on tuesday to get a nice chunk done. turns out i was one of the only people in class who actually read all of the articles, so i think i need to cut myself a break and just do whatever i can.

i guess the thing that's been hardest for me is to focus on my "selected questions" paper, the second paper in the master's portfolio, with classwork piling in. i find myself having difficulty just sitting down and working on it. i could potentially ask for an extension, but the truth is that i just need to get it done because i have so much other regular semester work to focus on. also, my husband and i are finally going on a vacation (to jamaica in mid-october -- yay!) and i just can't have a paper like this hanging over my head when i'm trying to relax.

my current plan is to try and get a lot of my work done early so that i'm not stuck doing work while on vacation. in any case, we'll see how well that goes. right now, i'm barely staying afloat. but at least i'm smiling through it.

first week down...

2011-09-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

so, i got through my first week of classes okay. something i want to do a little differently this semester is spend more time reading and less time stressing out about reading. i'm not sure if that makes sense, but i guess what i'm saying is that i really want to read something every single night and make that a part of my practice (not just as a student but also as a person and a reader), but i don't want to stress about what doesn't get done. the truth is we're all doing the best we can and i have to respect myself and my capacity and not freak out about what doesn't get done.

that said, my first week of homework is feeling a little intense already, especially given the big things i need to get done at work this week. in terms of work, on top of all my regular stuff, i also have two events happening (the memorial service for dr sipe and another event later on next week). it's hard to think about homework with these time-sensitive things going on.

for my "(re)forming the elementary RWL curriculum" course, i have to read 7 articles and a book intro and write a 5-pager. for my "leading nonprofits" course, i have to read 8 articles and 4 book chapters and write what i think will be a 2-3-pager. sigh.

on top of all this, i also have a 12-pager due for my master's portfolio. i have no idea what that will turn out to look like. it's kind of scary. but like i said, i'm working on not stressing out. and i have faith that i'll get as much of it done as i can.

back in session

2011-09-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

so, school is back in session. although my classes don't begin until next week, i had the privilege yesterday of overhearing the voices of many, many new students who came through our building for orientation. i always forget how exciting and new fall feels, not just because of the start of the new school year but also because it's a season of rebirth.

this semester, i'll be taking two courses and working on my master's portfolio. on september 1, i handed in a draft of one of the main master's portfolio papers, which is called the "conceptual territories" paper and which i wrote a bit about in an earlier post. on october 1, i'll be handing in a draft of the other main paper, which is called the "selected questions" paper. i'll be writing an i-search paper, which i've never done before. my question is about the intersections of learning, work, and identity. i had planned to start writing a draft of my paper this week, but so far i've just done a bunch of reading (which has been fun). one of the books i'm reading is mike rose's lives on the boundary. it's really well written and easy to dive into.

[as an aside, i've also been re-re-reading salman rushdie's haroun & the sea of stories with my husband. we read about a chapter a night before bed. it's such a good story. if you haven't read it, you should. here's a great line from the chunk we read last night: he knew what he knew: the real world was full of magic, so magical worlds could easily be real.]

in any case, as i said, i'm also taking two courses this semester. the first is dr. campano's "forming and reforming the reading/writing/literacy elementary curriculum," which is one of the required courses for the master's degree. i'm interested in the course, but also a little nervous that it'll be quite a bit out of my focus of study. i'm curious as to whether it's appropriate for me, but i guess i'll have to wait and see. i haven't seen the syllabus yet. the second course i'm taking is a fels course called "leading nonprofits," taught by tine hansen-turton and nicholas torres. they just sent the syllabus today and it looks pretty interesting. over the course of the course (heh), students work in groups and build a mock non-profit together. i really hope that my group is a good group of stable, professional, reliable folks. my group in my fels class last spring was so, so good and i'd love to have a similar dynamic.

anyway, that's kind of what i'm looking forward to this fall. and you, if you're interested, can look forward to more frequent posts from me. in keeping with the semester schedule, i'll be trying to post once a week. yay.

featured on the gse alumni blog!

2011-08-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

check out my post on the gse alumni tumblr: http://gsealumni.tumblr.com/post/7772713140/melissa-kapadia-bodi-penn-gse-doctoral-student-and. thanks to carolanne for featuring me on the blog!

the rwl master's portfolio and new approaches to writing

2011-08-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

wow. so, as usual, i took a 3-month hiatus from blog posting, but as summer session 2 comes to a close, i find that i've got a lot to say, and probably stuff that will span multiple posts. i'd like to talk at least a little bit about summer classes, but i think i'll save that for a later post. for now, i want to say a little bit about writing (and writing as a doctoral student and the ways that my writing strategies have changed and grown.

i may have mentioned last year that i decided to get my master's as a part of my course of study. in order to do that, i've added two master's courses to my roster ("teaching language and literacy to adolescents in secondary schools," which i took last fall, and "forming and reforming the elementary rwl curriculum," which i will take this fall). i will also be completing a master's portfolio, which i am working on now and which i will submit in december.

the master's portfolio has a number of requirements including: a description of my course of study; inclusion of my original entrance essay as well as multiple reflections on this essay; inclusion of a few artifacts/documents from my program of study and some annotations with each; a professional development reflection; and a short essay on how i might turn this portfolio into a professional portfolio. the master's portfolio also includes two longer papers, about 12 pages each: the conceptual territories paper (which asks the writer to examine the four territories of the rwl master's: interdisciplinary, inquiry, diversity, change) and the selected questions paper (which asks the writer to write on/ explore some questions that have sparked his/her interest over the course of the program).

although the portfolio is due in december, the two larger papers are due much earlier. the conceptual territories paper is due on 9/1 and the selected questions paper is due on 10/1. each person is assigned a portfolio advisor who receives these submitted drafts and offers feedback, which the writer can use to revise these drafts prior to turning in the final portfolio. there is also an addition requirement of meeting with and working with a portfolio writing group. these groups are assigned by the portfolio advisor and they are asked to meet once a month at a minimum.

so anyway, working on this portfolio has given me the opportunity to revise some of my writing practices. first, i made a rule that i'd open my portfolio document at least once a day (except saturdays!) and i've been keeping up with this. even if i only write a sentence or two per day, i feel like this portfolio is constantly evolving and growing and you know, becoming something. it feels like a living, breathing document and i really love that. i started the document on august 1 by creating a table of contents, which included each required part and some notes on that part, and then i started chunking out sections and using page breaks to section them out. i also began writing a few of the short reflections and getting my notes down on paper. in that first day of work, i created 14 pages (albeit relatively empty pages, but pages full enough with notes and titles that they implied the existence of unwritten content). so, i've opened the document everyday since then (except for maybe a day or two) and i'm now at 21 pages and many of the short papers within have been developed into full-blown pieces, and others have developed into more than just disjointed notes. it's kind of exciting.

i also started a second rule that i would start a new diary/memo/fieldnotes book in which i could write about writing and i have made an effort to use to to document my writing process, take down my frustrations (not just with the writing but also with the writing group and various other things), note down questions or ongoing lines of thinking to pursue later on, document quotes and ideas from texts i've read, and so on. this has been incredibly fruitful for me, as well as a great way to make note of various wonderings and develop my awareness of my writerly identities. it has also enabled me to take a step back from the computer. sometimes, i read something with the idea that i should immediately want to put it into a document. having a fieldnotes journal has enabled me to put a step between reading and writing; it's like a place to jot down my thinkings.

so, i guess all this is to say that the process of writing the portfolio has enabled me to revise some of my writing practices and that's been really helpful. but also, if you're a master's student or someone thinking about applying to the rwl master's, i hope this helps to demystify the portfolio and make it feel a bit more accessible. and if you have more questions, please ask. i'm no expert, but i'll try my best, and if it comes down to it, i can always touch base with someone who does know the answers.

reading for fun

2011-05-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

i finished the semester in a whirlwind and have spent the past three weeks recuperating and developing a habit of relaxation. sometimes, i feel like i'm so used to running around stressed out all the time that not being stressed out is stressful! it makes no sense.

in any case, i've spent the past three weeks reading a lot of good books. i read heat and dust, recommended by my friend susannah; nectar in a sieve, recommended by my husband's cousin; and outliers, which i borrowed from my dad. my friend beebs also recommended that i check out dailylit, which is my new favorite readerly website. you can subscribe to lots of classic lit on there for free and the site sends you an installment of the book you've chosen each day. i read tolstoy's "ivan the fool" via dailylit last week and this week, i'm reading tolstoy's "the kreutzer sonata."

all in all, it's been a pretty good three weeks. school starts back up for me on monday. i guess i'll write more about that later.

dr. sipe

2011-04-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

on march 11, my advisor dr. sipe passed away very unexpectedly. i've had a difficult time really expressing how huge a loss this is to me and to my life. in thinking about how to write this post, i decided that it's best to start at the beginning:

i'd been an employee at gse for at least a month or two when i found out that dr. sipe would be my advisor. i'd gotten the notice while in a meeting with my supervisor and another coworker and they proceeded to rave about how amazing dr. sipe was. both agreed that i'd love working with him. still, i found dr. sipe incredibly intimidating and was nervous about being his advisee.

we had our first meeting a couple weeks later over lunch at a local bar. at the time, i packed lunch every day, unable to afford to buy food at restaurants. nervous that i might be expected to pay for both our meals, i ordered a side of fries and a water. during our talk, we puzzled together about why we'd been paired: he was an expert on children's responses to literature and picturebooks and i was interested in adult literacy and identity. despite this confusion and my nervousness, dr. sipe made one thing achingly clear: he said, "melissa, i'm your advisor and you should feel free to ask me anything."

he went on to reassure me that there was no such thing as a stupid question; academia is full of vagueness and ambiguity, especially in terms of program policies and the like, and dr. sipe could be my light in this regard, explaining things that were unclear and helping me to understand the process of doing a doctorate. i think i knew then that dr. sipe would be someone i could trust. i spent most of our meeting asking dr. sipe questions about the program, which he answered thoroughly and patiently. at the end of lunch, our check arrived and i reached into my purse for my wallet. dr. sipe stopped me and said, "melissa, i'm your advisor. when we go out to lunch, i pay."

that fall, i took my first two doctoral courses, one of which was taught by dr. sipe and called "responding to literature." in class one night, dr. sipe talked about lineages, explaining that his dissertation chair was like his academic parent and that those of us whom he advised or for whom he acted as dissertation chair would become his children. others who shared the same chair as he were like his siblings, and we all would share this same relationship as well one day. at the time, the idea of an academic family excited me and truthfully, while i hadn't imagined dr. sipe would be my dissertation chair (given our starkly different research interests), he had already in many ways become like an academic father to me.

in that same class, dr. sipe helped me to conduct and write up a mini study on immigrant adults' responses to "the arrival," a picturebook by shaun tan. he was really impressed with the final product and had urged me to revise and submit it to a scholarly journal. although i met with him a few more times over the past couple years to think about and talk through my revisions, i still haven't completed it.

over the past year, my relationship with dr. sipe had grown dramatically. i trusted him a lot and had shared quite a bit about my personal life with him. this all sounds very heavy, and admittedly, i have shed many tears in trusted professors' offices, but dr. sipe and i mostly had a lot of fun together. in keeping with the tradition we'd started at our first meeting of enjoying food while in each other's company, i had developed a habit of bringing treats to his office when we met and i delighted in seeing dr. sipe's face light up when i brought them.

dr. sipe always knew the right thing to say. for example, last summer, when i cried to him in his office about a sick relative, he reminded me that i need not rush through my program of study and assured me that he would support me if i chose to take a leave of absence from classes. and just two months ago, when i came to him for advice about my doctoral candidacy portfolio, he said, "melissa, please don't take it too seriously. sometimes, you make projects bigger than they have to be." his statement stung, but i think he knew he needed to be honest with me. and when i went back to my desk to work, i understood what he meant. writing isn't about perfection; it's about honesty. when i handed in my portfolio and emailed him to let him know, he wrote back, "Thanks, Mel--I have it. Looks good."

many people at gse have become like parents to me, and yet losing dr. sipe has made me feel a bit parentless in this place. i know that i can take his advice and use it to become a better writer and scholar, but i really haven't come to terms with his not being around, and i really miss him.

spring break

2011-03-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

this past week was spring break and let me tell you, i loved every minute of it. of course, i am a full-time worker, so i was still working everyday, but it feels amazing to get to leave work by 5 or 5:30 and be home by 6. what a privilege and something that i forgot was even a possibility.

so, the semester's going well. to give you a sense of what all i've accomplished so far: i've done a presentation and accompanying exam in my managing talent class; i have also written a bunch of pieces (including a case statement, SWOT analysis, prospect reports, and solicitation materials) toward a financial plan for a nonprofit organization. these two things are pretty big for me. even bigger are two program-specific things: (a) i submitted my application for the certificate in nonprofit administration at fels and (b) i submitted my doctoral candidacy portfolio. woohoo -- it feels amazing to get those two things off my plate, but on the other hand, i'm starting to feel slightly anxious about what the responses will be. will i get into the certificate program? will i become a doctoral candidate? i hope so.

anyway, the only thing that's really been disappointing about spring break is the weather. can it be 60 degrees already?

2011-02-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

i unfortunately missed posting last week and will be posting a relatively short post this week (and yes, it's a couple days late...). things have been pretty hectic. i want to talk about two separate, unrelated things, neither of which are fully-formed ideas:

exams and presentations
this past monday, i had my first exam in my managing talent class. it was a group presentation and i was in a group of three. we all did a lot of meeting in advance of the exam and chatting/revising via email, so i think we felt pretty confident coming into the presentation. i also think we did relatively well, came off as confident and organized, and made good, thoughtful points. i actually really enjoyed doing the presentation and working in the group and i hope to have more opportunities to do this kind of thing in the future.

writing against my politics
for work this week, i have to write a review of a research article that makes a few points i deeply disagree with. just reading the article kind of grates on my political value system and i'm having a hard time thinking of how to write the review without pointing out the inherent flaws in the authors' frameworks. part of my job in this case though is to let it go and write through it, and i'm excited and nervous and annoyed at the challenge.

okay, more later. what an exciting couple of weeks.

raw and living

2011-02-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

i may have mentioned in an earlier post that my husband and i are eating 70% raw these days. i actually have so much to say about it, so much so that i don't know where to start. eating raw has a ton of health benefits and for us, eating 70% raw involves eating a raw breakfast and lunch and a cooked dinner. technically, to make it 70%, we need to eat one raw dinner per week. eating raw gives me a lot more energy and i have an easier time concentrating both at work and with homework.

although my weekday meals are pretty simple, i.e. a raw juice for breakfast and a salad and snacks for lunch, i do at times try to make some fancier dishes. this weekend, two of my best girlfriends came over for lunch and i made a raw stuffed pasta dish. they also helped me to prepare a raw coconut pie (with a raw nutella layer) that was delicious. here are some pictures:

raw vegan stuffed pasta (click here for recipe)

raw vegan coconut pie (click here for recipe)

i feel like eating raw is changing my life in huge ways. i hope to talk more about raw and living foods over the course of the semester, but if you have questions, let's chat in the comments section.

doing what you love?

2011-02-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

one of the books i had to read for my managing talent class this past week is the adventures of johnny bunko: the last career guide you'll ever need. it's a comic book, a super quick read, and also kind of entertaining. here's a trailer for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtRNiMZsTro. the book outlined five or six basic "lessons" for careers/futures, but the ones that really stuck out to me had to do with "there is no plan" and "however you plan it, it doesn't work out that way." in other words, planning your career long term really doesn't lead to much. the implication is that in the long run, you really need to do what you love and to work all of that out, you'd better not waste your time doing shit you hate.

i'm curious about how this applies to me. the truth is that i love what i'm studying, but i really very often feel disconnected from it, being that i spend at least 40 hours a week doing something else. it's not that i don't love/enjoy my job, but anyone can tell you -- it's not really how i'd like to be spending my time (though, of course, the paycheck, health benefits, and most important, tuition benefits don't hurt!!). even though i like school, i get so bogged down by the 9-to-5 office experience that when i come home, i find myself drawn to things that have to do with standing up and using my hands/brain in a very different way. this semester in particular, i've been really into making things, especially clothing and food. i have so much fun making stuff and eating/wearing/using it. is that what i really love? is it possible that i love making stuff more than i love school and rwl? i'm not sure what to do with this or how to really dissect it and i know that i've probably talked about this before, but i still don't have an answer. can anyone help me out with this?

i just can't figure out what it means or what it says about what i should do with my life! i mean, i'm in this program and there really is no turning back at this point, but if you were to ask me, "if you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?" i'd say, "write books, make clothes, and be a raw chef." how in the world does this lead to that? is it possible that once i'm in academic or the non-profit sector, i'll have more time to write books, make clothes, and be a raw culinary master (mistress?)? i just don't know.

best practices

2011-01-26T05:13:00.000-08:00

lately, no matter what i do, i just can't get myself to do homework on the weekends. but i feel so much pressure to do homework on the weekends that i end up unable to do anything else. what a waste of time!

lately, i've been thinking, why not try to get as much of my homework done on weeknights after work? if i can manage that, then i can free myself from the weekend homework prison i've created (that i don't manage very successfully). my new goal: read for at least two hours on wednesdays, thursdays, and fridays. if there's a lot left, carve out just a couple of hours on saturday to do what i can, but let the rest go.

truthfully, and i'll post more about this next week, my husband and i have been eating 70% raw lately and i seriously love preparing raw food. it's something that i want to spend my sundays doing. also, i've been really getting into learning how to make clothing and i want to spend some time doing that on the weekends as well. the clothing thing might be a little selfish, because it might not amount to anything, but one product is pure joy and i really can't deny myself that given all the stress i'm under. so... over the next few weeks, i'm going to see how my weeks go. i do at some point need to add exercise to the equation, but i'm not going to worry about that just yet!

new worlds

2011-01-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

so, i've made it through my first couple weeks of class. actually, since my managing talent class is on mondays, we haven't had a class yet. we meet for the first time tomorrow. i've had two sessions of my fundraising class and it's gone well so far. when i signed up for it, there was only one session of the class, which was held on thursdays. i was a little concerned because having class on thursdays makes my work week a little more stressful. plus, the class' first night of presentations was scheduled for a day that i would have to be out of town for work. luckily, a second section of the class opened up on tuesdays, so i was able to switch to that section. as of now, i've attended one thursday class and one tuesday class. i debated making the switch because the thursday class is smaller and more intimate, it's in a better room, and the people seem a little bit more low key. in the tuesday class, there seem to be a few show-boaters and the room is pretty uncomfortable. still, i switched classes because i know that doing class on tuesday will make my semester much more manageable.

regarding my managing talent class, in prep for the first day, we have to read 3 things: 27 pages of one book; 100 pages of another; and a 28 page article. we also have to email the prof our resume, which makes me nervous for some reason. i just wrote a whole bunch of updates to my website. once it gets updated, i'm going to email my resume. resumes are so short that i always feel that the work i do isn't adequately represented in mine. i feel like there are some mandatory categories that resumes require: education; work experience; relevant skills. everything else just falls by the wayside. i did add a category called "non-profit and community work," which kind of helps to show some of my non-school, non-work activities. anyway, i guess cv's just do a much better job of really showcasing all the work that a person does/has done, like presentations and stuff.

i guess i just have to work toward feeling comfortable in fels courses. i have to admit that i feel seriously out of my element. sometimes, i just don't know what folks are talking about, or maybe i have a general sense but am uncomfortable with the language they're using. it's been a long time since i felt this uncomfortable in the space of a classroom and i think it's important that i remember what that feels like. i know in the long run i'll be able to use my work in my classes this semester to find work in the non-profit sector after grad school and to help push PIMC to the next level.

back in session

2011-01-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

so -- school is back in session. maybe i've mentioned this here before, but since i came in without a master's, i have a lot of electives that i can take and so, i decided to do the fels institute's certificate in non-profit administration. i knew i'd be starting these courses some time this year, but hadn't planned on starting them until summer or fall. however, a course i planned to take this semester got canceled, so i thought, why not check out a couple of fels courses before i officially apply for the certificate?

this semester, i'm taking two fels courses:
fundraising for nonprofits
and
developing, managing, and leading talent for nonprofits

on the one hand, i'm pretty seriously excited to be taking courses out of GSE. i haven't done any coursework out of GSE yet, and have only taken a course outside of my program. even though taking courses at fels is going to be awesome, i just saw the syllabus for the developing/managing talent course and it kind of scares me. check it out here. it's so business-sounding and out of the typical researchy/inquiry-ish/literacy-type stuff i'm apparently so used to that i'm a little nervous about not being a good student. plus, there's a whole grading rubric -- eeeeek. so... i'm nervous.

anyway, i'll keep you updated as the semester goes on. my fundraising class starts tonight, but my managing talent class doesn't start for two weeks, so there will be lots of added anticipation. yay!

peace

2010-12-22T15:15:00.000-08:00

i've got some longer posts in draft that will have to wait until spring. with finals out of the way and most of my larger projects completed at work, i'm taking a nice long breath, reading some books for pleasure, and relaxing.

tomorrow's my last day of work for 2010 and we get to leave sometime around noon (yippee). after a few days with family, i'll have a week to myself and then four days of vacation with my husband. i am so looking forward to all of this.

despite that i've got the hang of classes and reading and all of that, this semester has been the hardest yet, mostly because of stuff not exactly related to school. i'm happy that i made it through, but my body is tired and my spirit needs some revival and i'm so quietly happy that i'll have some time to unwind and destress over the next few weeks.

for now, i'd like to wish you all a happy and peaceful break.

eeek

2010-12-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

dear reader,
i totally owe you a blog post, but i'm sitting under a neverending pile of working and searching for an exit. each semester, i look a little lazy around this time, but i swear, it's not me! i want to write and i love to blog. it is one of my passions. but this time of year just doesn't allow it.

i know, i know... these all sound like excuses, but give me a couple days and i promise, i'll have something good to say. if anything, this pathetic letter should be proof of what graduate school and finals can do to a person's spirit and imagination.

forgive me?

<3,
mel

how to be an explorer of the world

2010-11-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

so, i have been in the midst of holiday shopping for a few weeks now. i like giving lots of fitting gifts, including jewelry, housewares, and most importantly, books. this year, i found a series of really interesting self-experimental books. the one i'm most interested in buying for myself is keri smith's how to be an explorer of the world: portable life museum. keri smith has made a lot of wild, amazing books, such as the following:

wreck this journal

living out loud

mess: the manual of accidents and mistakes

basically, these are books that take an atypical approach to "books." so awesome. her books seem to encourage people to take an inquiry stance on life and on normative notions of how to live (and how to read/interact with books).

the introduction of mess states, "warning: do not try to make something beautiful. do not throw this book out when you dislike a page. do not play it safe. do not worry about legibility. do have fun. do get dirty. do try something you've never tried before." i'm pretty sure that's life advice disguising itself as book advice. in other words, life is the most important text... something like that.

anyway, i'm tempted to get myself how to be an explorer of the world for the holidays. it's a research/fieldwork workbook on life. one of the book's "rules" is to "start with whatever makes you feel a twinge of excitement." that makes me excited.

books i want to read

2010-11-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

about midway into every semester, swamped with work, i get the "what else is out there" itch. despite that i've got so much reading to do, i can't help but peak at things not related to my immediate coursework or research. i end up taking breaks from homework to indulge in some amazon window shopping, scoping out interesting texts, reading introductions and first chapters, and longing for more. here are some books that have caught my interest this month (mostly having to do with north korean life, as told by north korean refugees and their allies):

escaping north korea: defiance and hope in the world's most repressive country by mike kim

this book is written by a korean american who has helped to operate the north korean underground railroad (maybe there is more than one...), which stretches from pyong yang all the way to thailand and helps north korean refugees escape north korea through china and make their way to relative safety. kim also documents the lives of north korean refugees living in china, as well as the torture, human trafficking, and famine that has and continues to plague those living in and escaping north korea.

nothing to envy: ordinary lives in north korea by barbara demick

this book is written by an NYT writer who has spent many years living and working in south korea, china, israel, and other countries. she documents the lives of six north korean "defectors," but writes in a beautiful narrative style (i def checked out the first 20-30 pgs on amazon... so good) that fuses the everyday human experience with the historical and political contexts of north korea to kind of show the peculiarly nuanced ways that the ideologies of the dictatorship infiltrate every aspect of daily life and identity, including people's ability to trust their own judgment, act on their natural feelings (such as love), and build close relationships with community and family members.

this is paradise!: my north korean childhood by hyok kang and philippe grangereau

this book is about hyok kang, who was born in north korea and lived there until age 13 (in 1998), when he and his family escaped to south korea. he writes about his and his family's experiences, about the famine that wiped out most of his classmates, and about the disappearances and executions of community members that he and his family witnessed. this might be the most important book of the three, since it is written by a north korean "defector" about his own life. i can't help but notice that i'm the same age as kang... that he has lived lifetimes and had experienced things at 13 that i couldn't have imagined.

in case you're interested, all three books are available at the penn library. i kind of want to pick up kang's book myself, but i've got school reading to do! i'll save these for december.

GSEcret

2010-11-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

last year, with a group of GSE students, i participated in a project called GSEcret. the goal was to get GSE's staff, students, and faculty talking about issues of race and racism in the academy. GSE folks were asked to submit anonymous postcards regarding their experiences with race and racism; these postcards were presented as an exhibit in the spring, and we gave some workshops around them to help keep conversations going.

starting last week and over the next year, GSEcret is going to be posting a postcard per week on its blog: penngsecret.blogspot.com/. the GSEcret project encourages everyone (both GSE folks and non-GSE folks) to use the comments section on the blog to take up, question, comment on, etc the issues that come up in these postcards.

keep quiet; learn something.

2010-10-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

one of the things i've learned this past year is that people don't get enough credit for keeping their big mouths shut. lately, i've been working hard to practice mouth-shutting whenever possible. i'm full of opinions, so shutting the eff up hasn't been that easy, but i'm working on it. below, i highlight some ways of thinking about what shutting up can look like, and how it helps me to broaden my world view and even empower myself:

speaking from experience
this is kind of a quasi-shutting up tactic, but the bottom line is that people often speak from speculation. a person might say something like, "those kids in those schools have parents who..." this is never a good tactic. first of all, making generalizations about kids and parents and schools is never good for anyone, and it's rare that the generalizations reflect fact. second, people are going to hate you and this will further invalidate what you say.

a good approach when talking in class (and really in any setting) is to speak from one's own experience. for example, "when i was in school, it happened this way..." or "my own personal experiences as a person of color have been..." i think practicing this helps us to stop essentializing others as well.

bowing out of certain battles
we've all been in situations in class where someone says something offensive, or someone states an opinion that we know comes out of bias and privilege. in addition, many of us have been in situations where someone made an assumption that stereotyped a group that we belong to. while i have a right to call these folks out, to straighten out the misconception, etc, it's not my job. and this has been a hard thing for me to learn.

on the one hand, people of color and people of difference often feel the burden of having to clarify, school, or even just bear witness to experiences that are left out of classroom discussion. and sometimes, we just have to let it go for the moment because being the one to clarify can be a heavy burden and it can further marginalize us in the learning space. in addition, it's possible that the person making the offensive statement is a professor, and then speaking out can also put us in a worrisome position when it comes to grades. knowing that it's okay to bow out of a battle makes it a little easier; and it doesn't mean that issue won't come up at some other point, or that i won't take it up some other way.

engaging through silence or questions
another conversational approach that has really helped me get to know and understand others' points of view is staying silent and asking questions... i often think that people don't ask enough questions these days. it's important to me, when hanging out with friends, colleagues, professors to get a sense of how the view the world, how they have experienced the world, and how they know the world. one way i've been doing this lately is by holding off on sharing my point of view and instead, asking clarifying questions to dig deeper into their thinking.

an off week

2010-10-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

no clue how, but i spent the entire weekend doing mostly nothing. i watched tv on hulu, watched late night movies in bed with my husband and cats, did not cook a single meal or buy groceries (but ate a lot of take-out), loafed on facebook which is something i seriously rarely do, and updated both of my personal (private) blogs. i'll admit i did do a bit of reading, but very far from my usual amount. i typically spend at least one weekend day at a cafe studying, but it's 5pm on sunday, so i am coming to terms with the fact that my typical weekend study routine is unlikely to materialize this particular weekend. and yes -- posting on this blog is another attempt to waste time.

in any case, i'm trying to think of some tips on how to get work done (literally, like, i want to blog about them and then somehow do them right now):

pre-planning and follow-through
the kind of pre-planning i typically do is really important, i think, for people who are short on time. a lot of the folks in my program have full-time jobs, so nights and weekends are huge for getting work done. at the same time, you can squeeze homework into morning commutes and coffee breaks. but the big thing that helps to actually get it done is focus and determination, i.e. planning to study and then doing it.

the only choice
one thing i do during the semester is take all of the non-school books out of my purse and replace them with shit i have to read. this way, when i'm in the mood for a book (for example, on the trolley in the morning), i am definitely going to read something for school.

blocking out time and going public
i also block out time on my calendar for reading/studying/etc. once that time is blocked out, i just have to follow through. i find that getting out of the house really helps me to get work done. when i'm in the house, i'm so distracted by my cats, my husband, my computer that i end up just hanging out and having fun all day. and i know this kind of sounds like a good thing, and it's true that you can never have too much fun, but by monday morning, if all i can show for my weekend is how much fun i had, i know i'm screwed. when the 9-5 hits, it's hard for me to stir up the energy to get anything done. basically, that's what i have to look forward to tomorrow if i don't get some shit done today.

pretending work is fun... or something
i list zenhabits.net as one of the blogs i read on the regular. leo, the writer of zenhabits, has written a couple of posts about re-tuning your mind to think of work as fun. this is especially useful for people who procrastinate... if you reframe work as something you're excited to do, then you're more likely to get to it and get it done. i haven't tried that hard at this one, but the idea that you can pretend something is fun until it really becomes fun actually makes sense to me, so i am definitely going to try it soon.

anyway, writing this hasn't really inspired me to do anything, so i'm going to go watch a movie with my husband and eat some pizza. i'm almost ashamed to post this, but you know what, everyone deserves an off week...

the back-to-school list

2010-09-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

on the bus the other day, a friend asked me if grad students have back-to-school lists. at first, i thought about this literally and responded, "nope, just books, a pen, and a notebook." but thinking it over, i realized that there are definitely things grad students need to survive grad school. here, i list the essentials:

a safe, quiet space to sleep
seriously, there is nothing i appreciate more after a long day of work/school/studying/etc than falling asleep in my quiet, peaceful home. sometimes, a person needs a nap in the middle of a saturday afternoon to make it through a weekend of reading, and that is totally reasonable. at the same time, if you don't have a safe, quiet space to rest, you will probably double your stress level, so i think this particular item is really important for sanity and peace of mind during grad school.

one night a week devoted to NOT working
not sure this needs much explanation, but the truth is that you work better and more efficiently when you designate a certain amount of time to not working. it doesn't matter if you're going on a date with a spouse or partner, spending time with a pet, or doing absolutely nothing. the only thing you have to do is not do homework.

a once-a-week hang-out with friends
my girlfriends have saved my life so many times during this hectic year, and it always helps to have a group that you go to for friendship, support, and fun. it's possible that you might start planning a once-a-week hang-out with your cohort, too, and this is great because you can complain about class, chat about readings and work, and still have a good time together.

an exercise plan
ok... i'm still working on this one, but exercise does wonders to reduce stress. i'm sure there's research to cite on this, but this is melblogsgse, so you'll just have to take my word for it. last semester, i got into bikram yoga and i'd like to do that again this year. exercising reduces stress, but it also helps me to reconnect with myself in a peaceful and calm way, and i leave feeling reenergized, even ready to work with a clear head.

a therapist
i'm still working on this one too, but most of my grad student friends have therapists and find it helps them to sort through a lot of the weird messiness of grad life. if you're a full-time student, you get free counseling through CAPS; otherwise, CAPS might be able to point you in the direction of other free or cheap services. if you're a full-time penn employee, you can arrange for free counseling through EAP, which offers 7 or 8 free sessions per "issue." EAP has a partnership with council for relationships, which has tons of offices in philly and surrounding areas.

school supplies
as for actual school supplies, i've been obsessed with the uni-ball vision elite pens and the moleskine large plain notebook. i rationalize that it's worth spending money on these two things because i save money by buying my books on half.com. not sure how accurate the math is on these savings, but it helps me sleep at night.

new people everywhere

2010-09-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

two things i'm always surprised by every single fall is how many new faces and new books i encounter. everytime i turn a corner at gse, i have made a new friend. inevitably, a 30-second conversation turns into 5 minutes and that turns into a chain of emails that will hopefully materialize into a cup of coffee or happy hour or a study session. i love people; they are one of the reasons i take up a lot of the projects that i do. and when it comes down to it, i'd rather spend time listening to and learning from people than i would from sitting in front of a computer or with a book.

every once in a while, someone may approach me to warn me about someone else or to tell me about some encounter with a person. usually, the person in question is someone i really want to get to know. at first, i am never sure what to do with this kind of information, so i put it in my back vault somewhere as a kind of warning, and then i go about my business and try to spend time with the person and hope that our meetings will materialize into something great. more than likely, the person who delivered the warning or mentioned the strange encounter was referencing a specific incident and as we all know from our own lives, we can't really be judged by just one incident. at the end of the day, no one can really know us from just a few meetings, and people definitely can't know us just from their encounters of us in a specific context (like a class or work or whatever).

sometimes i forget how much of each other people soak up when they are in a new environment, how much they are wanting to know others and wanting to give off the best first impressions. this building is a space where i (somewhat sadly) spend a lot of time so i don't feel that uncomfortable here, despite that i am often meeting new people in the space of gse. it's not a place i'd call home, but it's a space i have come to know pretty well, and still, i am always alarmed by the fresh new faces, and excited to get to know them all.

back in session

2010-09-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

school is back in session and i feel excited for the semester. although i'm a doctoral student in RWL, i don't have a master's, so i asked my advisors if it would make sense to get the master's along the way, and they agreed that it's a good idea. so, for the next year, i'll be taking a master's course each semester. i haven't interacted much with RWL master's students, but i know i'll learn a lot from the folks i take classes with this semester. so, here's what fall is looking like for me:

education 629: teaching english/literacy to adolescents in middle and secondary schools w/susan lytle, deb broderick, molly buckley, and sarah hobson

a couple of years ago, i wouldn't have been very interested in this class at all, but now, it's right in line with the out-of-school work i'm doing. this summer, with my friend jonathan, i started a volunteer organization called philadelphia immigrant mentoring collaborative(PIMC). we pair volunteer mentors (mostly undergrad penn students) with local immigrant youth (mostly high schoolers) who are interested in improving their conversational english, working on other school subjects, and learning about navigating school and planning for college. given this work and how little i know about what actually happens in schools, i'm really excited for the opportunity to learn about the ways adolescents in middle and high schools interact with english and literacy in the classroom. there's a possibility that i might be doing my field observations at FACTS charter school, which is just a couple of blocks from my house and has a large asian and asian american population. it would be right in line with the kinds of work i'm doing, though maybe it wouldn't give me as fitting an impression of what immigrant students face in public schools.

education 723: multicultural issues in education w/vivian gadsden, katrina bartow jacobs, melissa hentges, karim mostafa, and myself(!!)

that's right -- i'm also part of a teaching team this semester. we had our first class on monday and we have about two planning meetings a week. so far, i'm really happy with the way the class is going (including our syllabus, our plans for the semester's work, and the small group i'll be working with). the students are excellent and the readings are interesting and compelling. what i didn't expect was to be so comfortable as a TA in a classroom and to feel so excited to work with graduate students. the first day was inspiring and really fun. i've never thought that i'd be that interested in becoming a faculty member at a university or working with graduate students, but now that i'm a part of the teaching team for this class, that possibility has been opened back up for me. i hope i have some opportunities to research my own process of teaching in this class and also to understand more deeply how graduate students experience the classroom. i just can't wait to get to know these students, read their writing, and hear their ideas over the course of this semester.

well, that's all i've got for now. this semester, i'm committed to posting on this blog every wednesday. i hope i stick to it! it's been a strange summer (which i may talk about more later), but i'm surprisingly feeling very rejuvenated to be back in classes this semester. i can't wait to write more.

summer in the city

2010-05-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

well, it's been a while since i've posted and as i've mentioned before, i think this is kind of illustrative of what happens once the semester is in full swing. all of a sudden, everything is a tornado of confusion and people are just trying to keep up. this semester, i wanted to write more about practitioner inquiry, but didn't get the chance.

what i do want to talk about in this blog though is reasons to stay in philly over the summer. it would be hard for me to argue against philly since i actually live here, and while stuff happens in the city all year round, the summer is just the best time to be a philadelphian. there's lots to do and most of it doesn't cost a lot: center city sips -- weekly extra-discounted happy hours at select restaurants in center city; concerts in the park -- rittenhouse's summer outdoor concert series; weekend walking through fairmount park; shows and dance parties -- http://www.philebrity.com/listings/; and just tons more.

if i could though (and if i weren't a full-time worker), i would opt to spend each day reading in a different cafe or park around the city. just this saturday, my husband and i spent time in logan square, clark park, and the penn turtle pond. we also had coffee and eats at cafe lift, the greenline cafe, and the belgian cafe. bottom line: why leave when you can stay?

learning from the forum

2010-03-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

last week, i attended both days of the penn ethnography forum. the forum is run, hosted, and housed by GSE. although i've been a student here for two years, i wasn't able to attend the forum last year, so i was extra excited to be able to attend both days this year.

the forum began early on friday, february 26 and ended on the evening of saturday, february 27. saturday is 'practitioner inquiry' day and most of the sessions were practitioner inquiry panels and presentations. while i did enjoy the forum, i also felt frustrated by many of the logistical elements of it, and that's what i'm going to talk about here.

things that i hope they work on for next year:
1. there were way too many sessions per time slot and this left a lot of session rooms very empty, which is unfortunate. i think it would be better for them to accept fewer presentations and panels and have fewer sessions per time slot next year.
2. most sessions had three paper presentations in one and these were very poorly organized. often, the sessions had little to do with each other, so people might have come in to listen to one but then felt totally not interested in the other two. also, the format of the sessions made it hard to feel immersed in multiple presentations, especially because they were often so different in topic. i think it might help them in organizing to have more specific categories for proposers to check off. that way, they might think about organizing sessions not just on topic, i.e. "immigrant literacies" but also by orientation, i.e. "action research" or "social justice and outreach."

things i learned about presenting:
i was actually kind of alarmed at how difficult it was for me to enjoy and understand what people were talking about. i think that when people are really immersed in their own research (which is to be expected), they often forget how to talk to people about that research. so, presentations tended to be unclear, not well-explained, or clinical in delivery. this is particularly confusing because we know (or many assume) that ethnography demands that a person feel personally close to the stuff they are studying. anyway, so here's my list of things i hope to do when i present my research:

1. be overprepared by practicing my presentation (this includes practicing what i'm going to say, talking along with my ppt slides, and practicing answering questions)
2. spend the first two minutes of my presentation telling the story of my research question and locating myself in the work. i feel this is a crucial step to giving the audience a way in to the work and strangely, most people seem to leave this out.
3. choose a small piece of the larger research to really focus on. it's impossible to share everything and if one attempts to, they are much more likely to lose the audience in all the confusion. not only will the presentation be more clear and digestible if it focuses on one small chunk, but the audience will get more out of it and be able to appreciate the work and ideas more.
4. don't be too focused on giving the right answers. research is messy and practitioner research is even messier, so it's important to remember that things don't need to be tied up in neat little packages because the real life of research isn't that neat. so, it's important to be comfortable sharing the things that didn't work and sharing the messy parts of the project.

so that's where i am right now. hopefully, i'll have a chance to put these ideas to action soon.

becoming better

2010-02-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

this semester, i'm taking "practitioner inquiry." the course is being taught by susan lytle and matt hartley and being TA-ed by molly buckley. for our first meeting, we were asked to read "better" by atul gawande. the book was an amazing and inspiring way to start the semester, but it was also a surprisingly easy read. gawande writes really beautifully and uses an artful narrative style that plants the reader deep into the stories he tells.

my favorite part of the book was the afterword. in it, gawande encourages his readers to become positive deviants in their practice. this could be any practice, whether you're a student or cashier or scrub nurse or designer. he makes five recommendations to positive deviance:

1. ask an unscripted question -- he explains that this is a great way to get to really know people, including people you work closely with. it makes me think of the idea of "making the familiar strange," the idea that so much of what we know is shaped by our experience. gawande suggests that once you get a person responding to an unscripted question, you should try to keep that conversation going. he writes, "if you ask a question, the machine begins to feel less like a machine" (252). this is especially true when it comes to practice; working in a comfortable space, we sometimes forget that we don't know everything.

2. don't complain -- it's easy to complain about work, about school, about family and it's true that complaining can sometimes bring people together, but why dig ourselves deeper into angry, unhappy feelings? gawande writes, "you don't have to be sunny about everything. just be prepared with something else to discuss..." (253). in other words, try to put life back into work interactions.

3. count something -- according to gawande, "if you count something you find interesting, you will learn something interesting." i have recently adapted this to my own practice as a transcriptionist and i have to say that counting my work has put a completely new spin on it. it's funny sometimes how we do things without really having a sense of the impact and scope of the things we do. and beginning to learn the scope and breadth of my practice is strangely eye-opening; it's a new way of knowing the work i know so well.

4. write something -- blogs are actually a great way to practice this because we aren't being forced to write something interesting necessarily, but only to write what is interesting to us. writing can be therapeutic. it can also be a way to gain insight on ourselves, our practice, and our lives.

5. change -- as gawande suggests, it's always important to find opportunities to change, to talk to people about what they're doing, and to get new ideas about the things we're doing.

i can't wait to talk more this semester about my own practitioner inquiry work and about how i'm applying gawande's suggestions for positive deviance to my work and also to my life.

GSEcret

2010-02-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

i'm taking this week's post as an opportunity to talk about the GSEcret project and especially about the upcoming gallery event.

above are four postcard that were submitted as part of the GSEcret campaign. the goal of the project is to get people talking and sharing about race in the academy, in their lives, and more specifically, at GSE. to kick off this discussion, we're holding a gallery showing, followed by a discussion.

GSEcret Gallery Opening
wednesday, february 24
6pm gallery walk
6:30-8pm food and discussion
GSE student sounge

for more info or to get involved, email: postagsecret@gmail.com

the clark park farmer's market

2010-02-11T18:11:00.000-08:00

if you live around penn or in west philly, you should absolutely spend your saturday mornings at the clark park farmer's market. you can find everything there: bread, veggies, eggs and meats, yogurt, cakes, spices, chocolate, all kinds of stuff. all of it is local and most of it is organic.

if you want to get more for your money, you can also join a csa (community-supported agriculture). joining a csa is a great way to build a close relationship with a local farmer, eat local, and get more food for less money. right now, i'm a member of the keystone csa. you can read more about it here: http://www.keystonefarmcsa.com/.

when it's warmer out, clark park is also just a great place to hang out on the weekends. there are usually tons of people out (and lots of dogs and babies). there is also a flea market that happens every few weeks in the spring and summer. you can find more info here: www.clarkpark.info.

bottom line: you should check it out. and bring some friends.

snow day?

2010-02-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

so, there is a big snow storm brewing outside and i'm so hoping that school/work will be closed tomorrow. there is truly nothing better on a snow day than curling up in bed with my hubby and cats and reading a good book.

in any case, i think it's important for you (whether thinking about applying to penn, new to penn, or seasoned) to know these couple of things about snow storms and the university:

the bad news: i've been to all the college campuses in philly at snowy times and penn is by far the safest during and right after a storm. why is this such a bad thing? if you work or attend school at penn, you will rarely ever get a snow day.

the good news: if we do have a snow day, you can find out two ways. first, penn puts weather and safety updates on its main website (http://www.upenn.edu) ASAP. you can also check out its public safety site for more detailed information (http://www.publicsafety.upenn.edu/). finally, you can call here: 215-898-MELT.

lessons for 2010

2010-02-05T20:01:00.000-08:00

unfortunately, the only thing about grad school that remains consistent is that it breeds inconsistency. and i know... this is a horrible excuse for why i haven't blogged since november 19 (eek!), but it's the only excuse that i have! once finals roll around, i can't be bothered with anything else and then once they're over, i'm too worn out and busy trying to put my life back in order. and now that it's back in order, i've not blogged for eleven weeks. so, i'm sorry!

i'm going to try and be a little more consistent this year.

and that starts today. it starts with a couple of lessons i've learned that i think will help me get through 2010:

lesson # 1: get ahead. yep, it's a lesson i'm learning. i don't always follow it, so "get ahead" is not a rule, but it definitely works when i do it. "get ahead" can apply to anything. one example: finished your readings for the week early? read ahead and save future you from falling behind. in that same mind, i've got a few different things to say to whatever faithful readership i've got, so i'm going to try and blog them ahead of time to get it all out there while i'm in my right mind and then time release it for your reading pleasure.

lesson # 2: take care of yourself. this seems so obvious, but it ends up not being that way once i'm in the swing of things. i'll come home from work determined to get some reading done and in the process, i'll forget to work out or eat dinner, or i won't get enough sleep at night. i definitely want to finish my program "on time" (this doesn't mean THAT much to a part-timer, but still), but i know that i want to get out of my program feeling healthy and happy and loving myself. what that means is that sometimes, i just have to prioritize my health and wellness, whether it means skipping my readings for a night and doing some yoga instead, or opting to get 8 hours of sleep and hoping to wake up early the next morning to write before work. this year is teaching me that i have to prioritize me, no matter what.

lesson #3: take care of your relationships. this kind of goes along with lesson #2. in my first year of school, i barely made time for myself. i also didn't make much time for my friends and husband. i'm not making that mistake again. not having time with friends and family can really make life hard and it's important to nurture your support system and to give support just as much as you want to get it. this year, i'm going on a date with my husband at least once or twice a week. plus, i'm hanging out with friends almost every day, even if it's just a quick coffee break or meeting someone to study together.

so, that's where i am right now. i hope i can make it last.

counting and facing the dead in iraq

2009-11-19T20:37:00.000-08:00

in light of veteran's day (11/11), i have been thinking about the veterans in my life. i have always been vehemently anti-war and i continue to uphold this stance. still, my thoughts on veterans have changed dramatically in the past few years, partly because five years ago, one of my best childhood friends died in the us/iraq war. i had lost touch with him and we hadn't spoken for probably six years, but i had been trying to get in contact with him. i didn't know what he was doing and i didn't know that he had become a marine. there's something about putting a face and a heart to an image that just changes it in every way.

i have had relatives die, but being in another country, i have always lived so far from folks that i've mourned and missed them in a completely different way. when my grandfathers died, i missed them from a distance, regretting that i never had the chance to spend quality time with them, wishing i could have asked them first-hand about their life stories, about their dreams.

but this was someone i had dreamt with, someone i'd spent a lot of time with, someone i had held hands with and kissed, someone i had joked with, eaten pizza with, stayed up late with. this was someone i had been in love with. and i don't think i'll ever get over his death. everything feels so incomplete and unfinished. i always thought that we and our group of friends would meet one day as adults. but i'll never see him again. i'll never get to introduce him to my husband or listen to music with him or eat pizza with him. nothing.

in any case, it's become important to me to make a distinction between being anti-war and being pro-troop-support. i don't agree with war by any means, but i do know that veterans suffer hardcore while they are away and when they come home. i believe strongly that people are good and i think it's important to show goodness and kindness to people who have lived through war, and to honor those who have lived through war and those who have died in war.

if you're interested in the us/iraq war (or if not. if you: are pro-war, identify as american, don't identify as american but live in the states, are anti-war...), you might be interested to know that more than 4,000 us troops have died in iraq since the war began back in 2003. click here for an incredible and relatively up-to-date interactive analysis of the american casualties of the us/iraq war: http://www.nytimes.com/ref/us/20061228_3000FACES_TAB1.html

there are three tabs. if you click the first one, you can look at the actual faces of american military folks who have died in iraq. if you type in the last name "branning," you can see my childhood friend david who died in fallujah.

in tab two, you can check out the interactive analysis. this is my favorite part. within this section, if you click on the link for "second invasion of fallujah," you can see that the first bar represents deaths in the week of nov 7, 2004. david was one of the 67 deaths in that week. in that week, 61% of those who died were 18 - 24 years old and 63% of those who died were marines. 69% of the deaths in that week happened in fallujah. 87% of those who died that week were white. if you click on the link under "location of death," you can switch it over to the "home state" representation, which shows you which u.s. states people who died in that time period were from.

an interesting note: there are little red arrows in the bar graph. note that the third arrow from the left states that on april 27, 2003, bush announced the end of major combat. from the start of the war until that arrow, there were 141 deaths. that means that the majority of deaths happened AFTER he announced the end of major combat. since april 27, 2003, another 4,156 american military people have died in iraq. [note also that this does not include non-military americans, ex: journalists; iraqis; civilians; people who are neither american or iraqi; non-US military; journalists from around the globe]

in tab three, you can hear personal stories of those who died. NYT has chosen to feature the stories of 9 people who died in january 2006. it's probably an arbitrary selection, but i haven't listened to any of them yet.

i'd love to hear your comments and thoughts on this, so please feel free to respond.

my first workshop!

2009-11-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

i just finished teaching my first 5-week workshop, "asian american experience," through asian arts initiative. overall, i'm excited about how it went and i definitely want to keep teaching in this capacity. at first, i was really nervous. this workshop was something i felt i'd pulled out of thin air. sure, my ideas were grounded in my interests, in my undergraduate studies, and in my community activism, but i felt so unsure of whether i could really do this. still, teaching workshops is something i'd wanted to do for a long time and this summer, i knew i'd get my chance.

it started as just an idea. i knew that i wanted to work with other asian americans in the city and teach asian-american history, literature, and experience. when i met toni at asian arts initiative and talked with her about the possibility of doing a workshop, i found that it was work she felt was really important as well and that she wanted to help make this happen. over the summer, she worked with other organizations like philly chinatown development corp (pdcd) to recruit interested youth and in the fall, we set up a date to get started. i decided to design a 5-week workshop, did research in my own very small library, as well as at penn's library, and developed a syllabus. then, toni found 6-9 high-schoolers who were interested in attending.

in october, we met for the first time as a group; we began talking and learning about asian american history, sharing our own histories, and making connections between the two. over the course of the next few weeks, we covered a lot of history: early immigration, chinese and sikh railroad and mine workers' history, violence, anti-chinese immigration law, stereotyping, racial microaggressions, racism, violence, present-day struggle. our workshop was held half in english and half in chinese, all guided by pcdc's xu lin, who acted as a translator, but also offered a lot of his own insights and experiences. i don't think i could ever have imagined such a well-balanced dynamic as the one he created. it felt as if not a single comment or idea was lost in translation and as if everyone was given opportunities to share their stories and ask questions. i hope the students felt this way as well.

the last couple weeks of the workshop went kind of strange. first, a storm and the flu prevented most of the kids from attending the fourth session. the septa strike prevented our fifth meeting as well. so, we postponed our last class to this past week. still, the flu kept most kids from attending and the last meeting was just slightly anticlimactic. only two students showed up, but the three of us (and my coordinator toni) had a great talk, focusing on the vincent chin case (and trials) and on present-day violence, including violence and misunderstandings that they deal with in their philadelphia schools (read more here: asian students under assault). all in all, the workshop went well and i'm excited to continue this work in the future.

loving the world

2009-11-15T07:15:00.000-08:00

the best part about studying at cafe loftus is that it enables me to people-watch in one of my favorite parts of the city. and while i don't always get the most studying done here per se, being here does help me to think about, remember, feel close to, and deepen my sense of the work i want to do in the world. sitting at cafe loftus, watching people, and listening to the city's sounds, i am reminded of my mission of wanting to work closely with people and wanting my work in the world to be devoted to loving people and helping make their lives better.

defeating the slacker persona

2009-11-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

working full time makes it hard to study during the week. most days, i get home between seven and ten and i'm just too exhausted to read anything before bed. so, the weekends end up being designated for schoolwork. staying home, though, doesn't work. i get caught up watching movies, cooking, and hanging out with my husband.

last semester, i was really good about getting out of the house. at least one weekend day (usually sundays), i would go to a cafe (typically chapterhouse on 9th & bainbridge or higher grounds in nolibs) and study my ass off from morning to night. this semester, though, i've been a real slacker. every weekend, i cook, watch movies, and hang out with my husband. i rarely leave the house to study anymore. i don't know why i've become such a slacker homebody, but i need to get back in the homework zone.

today, my friend pre and i are studying out of the house. we planned to leave at 11:30, but ended up meeting up around 12:30 and getting brunch at the belgian cafe before going to study. now, it's 4:30 and i'm just getting started. old habits die hard, but i'm trying.

let life get in the way

2009-11-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

a friend of mine and i were talking this weekend about how life sometimes gets in the way of school. we grad students have a tendency to place school first and do other things (ex: socializing with friends; eating regularly; calling family members; bathing; etc.) only when we have time. i was talking to her about my dad -- when he was in medical school in the 70s, he got really sick over finals week, recovered too late to make up the exams, and had to redo an entire year of school. as i said to her, he's told me this story a couple of times when i've complained about feeling like i wasn't moving fast enough in life in order to let me know that in the long run, that little bit of falling behind doesn't even matter. it's true -- despite having to do that year over, he still became a doctor, still has a family he loves, and still has a happy and fulfilling life.

while i've always known all of this, i sometimes get wrapped up in the immediacy of school requirements. i find myself not caring about food or rest and i lose track of the things that are important in life. yes -- doing well in school is important, but really not as important as spending time with my friends, getting enough sleep, and making time for my husband.

in the long run, it's okay if one weekend, i only read the "conclusions" sections of my assigned readings, or if i skim a book instead of reading it all the way. it's equally fine to go out on a saturday night and sleep in on sunday.

this is a lesson i'm familiar with, and yet i still need to re-learn it every once in a while. and that's okay, too.

some things i'm involved in at GSE

2009-10-29T20:19:00.001-07:00

1. asian american/pacific islanders in education -- we're a small GSE student group. our meetings span a variety of interests from talking about what we're doing in school, to talking about issues important to the aapi community, to getting together and eating at a restaurant. if you're interested in joining, contact me or look for listings in GSE's weekly newsletter 'InsideGSE.'

2. GSEcret -- this is a collaborative project between three GSE student groups: aaagse (the association for african american graduate students in education), aapie (asian americans/pacific islanders in education), and wscr (white students confronting racism). the project spans this academic year and the goal is to get GSE folks in a dialogue about race and racism in their lives and at GSE. this fall, we've posted posters that advertise the project. each poster holds postcards that anyone can pick up. the backs of the postcards are blank and we're asking people to draw or write stories, questions, and experiences related to race that they've had. people can anonymously drop these postcards in the orange boxes around GSE. this spring, we plan to exhibit these postcards as part of an exhibition/discussion event. if you're interested in participating, you can contact postagsecret@gmail.com.

3. the teach-in project -- i guess this project is my baby. ali michael and i are working together though to implement it. the goal is to encourage out-of-classroom spaces of learning, examination, and discussion into issues that pertain to the lives of students, staff, and faculty both in the space of GSE and in our everyday lives. anyone is welcome to facilitate a teach-in. you can read more about this here: melissakapadiabodi.com/op.html. if you have any questions, contact me!

my current research interests and things that i'm thinking about right now

2009-10-29T20:18:00.001-07:00

1. as a member of GSE's academic support staff, i've been really fascinated by the intersections of writing, power, identity, and social positioning in the support staff person's experience of the academy. in spring 2009, i did a small study and wrote a paper about a few support staff members' ideas about and experiences of writing at work. looking at workplace writing on a small scale, as well as comparing to my own workplace writing and connecting it to ideas about ownership and power was really interesting work. i hope to do more work on this topic in the future, including further studies and writing. i also plan to teach some writing workshops to GSE staff in spring 2010.

2. i'm also interested in asian pacific american and immigrant identity construction, understandings of social positioning, feelings of othering, and notions of success. i'm still in the beginning stages in this strand of work.

nine facts about me

2009-10-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

1. although i was arguably the best speller in my 5th grade class, often winning "spelling bee baseball," i am currently opposed to the concept of "proper/standard english" and am madly in love with a "poor speller."

2. i love to cook and bake and often use them as stress therapy, i.e. i'll probably be blogging about food and cooking around finals time.

3. "ethnically" indian, i was born in the united arab emirates where i lived until age 7. once moving to the states, i lived in baltimore, md, cherry hill, nj, west chester, pa, mechanicsburg, pa, and philly. i don't necessarily believe that indian is just one ethnicity anymore.

4. even though i was an english major as an undergrad and i'm now a reading/writing/literacy student, i'm actually way better at math than anything, at least in terms of standardized test scores (what does this mean, anyway?).

5. my favorite kind of food is mexican and my favorite mexican restaurant in philly is jose's on 10th street (not to be confused with jose pistola's on 15th street, though that's pretty good, too). another good mexican place, which is on campus, is the mexi-cali truck on 38th and walnut.

6. my favorite thing to do on a friday night is to stay in and watch a movie with my husband.

7. i like blogging in lower case.

8. i've just begun teaching some workshops independently. right now, i'm teaching a workshop called "asian american experience" through asian arts initiative, a local philadelphia youth-serving arts organization. i'm aiming for a workshop per semester and one or two over the summer. i'm really excited to teach more reading/writing workshops.

9. i want to be an organic farmer one day.